quotes from the characters played by Jason Isaacs
in his films/tv
appearances. It's not every line he says, just
the ones I think are
noteworthy. Try doing a whole conversation
with someone in just JI
quotes. It's a blast. Really.
"No, I'm serious."
"It'll be a riot."
"Trust me. It's worth it."
"Come on. What are
you waitin' for?"
Warning: Lots of obscenity below
If you want to know
more about these movies, check The Jason Isaacs
Movie Review Page.
Feedback appreciated. Write to
Zachary Blaine (Highlander)
- "I want MacLeod's quickening."
- "You haven't changed a bit." <tsk, tsk,
sound> "Finders' keepers." <laughter>
become a creature of habit."
"You escaped." <Zachary> "Yes.
You know, it wasn't
easy getting out of a maximum security prison,
even for me. I had to
play crazy. Outside the walls. After that
<pbbttt sound> but you
know what I missed most? Was the
feeling of a good, old fashioned
quickening. <Amanda> "Wait!"
<Zachary> No, after
what you did to me, you can't come
up with a reason good enough."
<Amanda> "I can
give you ten million reasons, in American
"Funny, you'd think that would be
"I can give you the head of Duncan
- <Shopkeeper> "May I help you,
<Zachary> "I bought a sword in here, some,
time ago. Unfortunately it was lost. It was forged in Toledo,
a Damascus blade, an Austrian sabre. <shopkeeper> "I
remember selling just such a sword. Marvelous. Before your time.
Perhaps you are thinking of one of our very fine copies."
<hands him a sword> "That is indistinguishable in
from the one you lost." <Zachary> "It
may look the
same, but it doen't _feel_ the same. I don't want
this for show, I need
a blade that can stand up to the finest
steel ever made. Do you
understand me?" <shopkeeper>
"Of course, of course.
You're a purist. I do have one original,
made in Toledo, of Damascus
steel." <Zachary> "Get
it. Please." <Zachary
tries the weight of the sword and
breathes on the blade - crikey>
"There was a man in here 30
years ago who handled a sword
justs like you. You resemble him."
I'll take it." <shopkeeper>
"Monsieur, must be
aware, that such a sword, it costs 40,000
"I'm not sure I have quite that much
on me." <shopkeeper>
"We do take credit cards."
<stabs shopkeeper with the sword>
"I won't leave home
"I'm Duncan MacLeod, of the clan, MacLeod.
I don't think we've had
the pleasure." <Zachary> "I
know who you are. We'll
meet again . . . Highlander."
- <Amanda> "You're
hurting me." <Zachary>
"Good. I should do more than
that. What kind of game are
you playing? MacLeod almost took my
"It's your own fault. If you would have
come an hour later,
he would have been drugged and unconscious. Now he
around, it's going to be that much harder."
"I told you before - I have his head - or
- "How the hell you gonna fence a thing like
- "Don't be funny. You tend to fall behind in
- <Zachary> "I should have known this was a
<Amanda> "What?" <Zachary> "I help
you steal the book, MacLeod takes my head, and the two of you
happily ever after."
- <Amanda> "OK, Zac, old pal. If
that's the way
you want it. Let's get this over with, once and for all.
pulls out her sword, Zachary pulls out a gun - a big no-no
the Immortal rulebook - apparently he 'hates the rules.'>
<Zachary> "I was saving this for MacLeod, to slow
but as they say, 'all's fair in love and . . ."
Spidey-sense kicks in>
- <Duncan> "Tsk, tsk, tsk."
"Why try and save her MacLeod? She's betrayed you
<Duncan> "At least I'm smart enough to stay
- "I should've known."
- "Foreign riff-raff. Well, begone vagabond. Before I
- "Back to work, you scum."
- "I'm just
saying that any one of us is worth a hundred
Quote from the King about Felton:
- "Brave Felton
- an army unto himself."
- "When the ion
drive fires, you'll be taking about 30
Gs. Without a tank, the force
would liquefy your skeleton."
- "Okay, take that. Don't rush it."
- "You've been
in stasis for 56 days, you're gonna experience
a little disorientation,
- <"That gloomy gus in the corner over
D.J.-"> "Trauma." <laughing>
- "Latin. Sounds like Latin." <Lawrence Fishburne:
"Can you translate it?"> "Play it again."
"Sounds like, 'Liberate me.' something, I dunno, I cant
the rest." <LF: "Liberate me?">
- "Decompression doesn't do that. Looks like it was
by, I don't know, an animal or something. Look at the damage
to the soft tissue, the massive abrasions."
- "His vital
signs seem stable, but he's unresponsive
to stimuli. I don't know. He
might wake up in 15 minutes. He
might not wake up at all."
- "It's a power drain."
- "Carbon dioxide can
produce hallucinations, impair judgment."
- "You're fucking
sick, alright? It's just a ship, do
you understand? It's just a big
hunk of metal. There's nothing
odd going on."
- "If he
opens the airlock he's gonna turn inside out."
- "I think I
made a mistake in the translation. [plays
tape again] There. It's not
'Liberate me,' it's 'Liberate tu
te me.' Save yourself. And it gets
worse. I think, that says
'ex inferes.' 'Liberate tu te me ex inferes.'
Save yourself <pause>
tetemet ex inferis.' Save yourself from hell."
- "This ship
has been beyond the boundaries of our universe,
of known scientific
reality. Who knows where its been, what it's
seen, and what it's
brought back with it?"
- "Whoever sent that message, he
sure believes in hell."
- "Don't you worry about Wier
[picks up huge ass surgical
tool]. I'll take care of him.
- "gurgle, gurgle, argghhhh." <--- ok, he really
say this - Diane
- "Terrible idea."
- "If you consider your target -- her composition, her
dimensions, her sheer velocity -- you could fire every nuke you've
at her and
she'd just smile at you and keep on coming."
- "I know the President's Chief Scientific Advisor. We
MIT together, and in a situation like this, you really
don't want to
the advice of a man who got a C- in astrophysics."
- "The President's advisors are . . . um, wrong. I'm right."
- "Imagine a firecracker in the palm of your hand. Set
what happens? You burn your hand, right? You close your
fist around the
same firecracker and set it off... pff. Your wife's going to
opening your ketchup bottles for the rest of your life."
- "That's exactly what I'm saying."
- "Well, pretty
- "What he's trying to say gentlemen is that
in 12 minutes'
time you may lose the ability to detonate the nuke.
- "They seem to have had a blowout."
- "It's not over till we get the bomb down that hole."
- "They're about to cross the threshold."
Tavington (The Patriot)
- "Fire the house and barns. Let it be known that if you
the enemy you will lose your home."
- "Then you're freedmen
who will have the opportunity
and the privilege of fighting in the
king's army, aren't you?"
- "Hang him, put his body on
- "Well, we're not going to hold him. We're going
- "Would you like
a lesson, sir, in the rules of war?"
- "Stupid boy."
- "I dare to presume my own meager contributions will
rewarded one day."
- "Is it not enough, my lord, that I
have never lost a
- "My late father squandered
any esteem in which we were
held, along with my inheritance."
- "I advance myself only through victory."
don't know, my lord. It's really quite nice."
- "This is
- "Has he not?"
- "You know, it's
an ugly business, doing one's duty.
But just occasionally, it's a real
- "Why wait?"
- "Quite impressive
for a farmer with a pitchfork, wouldn't
can capture him. But to do so requires the use of
tactics that are
somewhat . . . what was the word your lordship
used? 'Brutal,' I
- "I am prepared to do what is necessary."
- "What, I wonder, is to become of me?"
- "Tell me
about . . . Ohio."
- <In response to 'But you said we'd be
indeed you may! That is between you and
- "The town? Burn the church."
honor is found in the end, not the means. This
will be forgotten."
- "Kill me before the war is over, will you? It appears
not the better man."
And from the deleted
- "Beautiful country. Everything grows
- "I wonder how patriotic you'd be if I offered you
chance to walk out of here alive."
- <In response to
'Do your worst.'> "I always do."
- "My efforts, in
no small measure, brought you here."
Captain Mike Steele
(Black Hawk Down)
- "What is this, Sargeant?
Another taxpayer-funded Delta
- "You Delta boys
are a bunch of undisciplined cowboys.
Let me tell you something,
Sargeant - when we get on the
5-yard line, you're gonna need my
Rangers. So y'all better learn
to be team players. We're done
- "Pretty funny, h'yup?"
understand why we have a chain of command, don't
you? Because if I ever
see you undermine me again, you'll
be cleaning latrines with your
tongue, til you can't taste the
difference between shit and french
fries. Are we clear?"
- "We're movin' just as fast as we
can. You let me do
my job and you do yours."
- "What the
fuck are you doing out there?"
- "Don't you ever give me
orders, Sargeant. We are combat
ineffective, you understand me?"
- "I need you to suck it up, Sargeant. I need you to focus
me, alright? Can you do that?"
- "If anybody comes through
that door, you give 'em two
in the chest and one in the head.
- "I thought I heard a noise out here."
- <When the dying Sargeant asks him if they're going out
"You bet your ass we will. We gotta regroup."
Clark Devlin (The
- "I'm not a professional driver, but
I'd always believed
that that thing you're staring into is for the
traffic, not passengers. Am I wrong?"
- "While I'm really enjoying our time together, shall
- "You're the head of an intelligence agency. Why
you be intelligent?"
- "Well, why don't you call me
back when you do understand
what I'm talking about."
- "Did you get a copy of the rules?"
- "I hate the
- "I would so love to have you."
- "No, just stay smooth. Remember,
- "Two whoppers, hold the onion, extra ketchup,
the bottom bun only, medium well-done. Two large fries, extra
chocolate milkshakes, however the chef likes."
- "It's a drive through. Let's drive."
- "Yeah, all
in a day's work, eh?"
- "All right ladies and gentlemen,
it's show time."
- "How's our package?"
do believe I'm in charge of this operation."
- "I hate to
say this, but don't take advice from women
- "No, you never tell them you love them."
wrote the book on this stuff. Trust me, you didn't
blow it. You outgrew
Lucius Malfoy (Harry
Potter and the Chamber of
is all of his dialogue):
Flourish and Blotts:
- "Now, now, Draco. Play nicely."
- <Lucius> "Ah, Mr. Potter.
Malfoy. We meet at last. Forgive me . . . your scar is
legend. As of
course is the wizard who gave it to you."
"Voldemort killed my parents. He was nothing
more than a
murderer." <Lucius> "Hmmm. You must
be very brave to
mention his name. Or very foolish." <Hermoine>
a name only increases fear of the thing itself."
<Lucius> "And you must be, Miss
Yes, Draco's told me all about you. And your parents.
- <Lucius> "Let
me see, red
hair, vacant expressions, tatty second-hand book. You must
- <Lucius> "Well, well, well,
senior." <Arthur> "Lucius." <Lucius>
"Busy time at the ministry, Arthur? All those extra raids?
hope they're paying you overtime. But judging from the state
I'd say not. What's the use of being a disgrace to the
name of wizard,
if they don't even pay you well for it?"
have a very different idea of what disgraces
the name of wizard,
Malfoy." <Lucius> "Clearly.
Associating with muggles.
And I thought your family could sink
no lower. I'll see you at
here, Fudge? Good."
- <Hagrid> "What are you doing
here! Get out
of my house!" <Lucius> "Believe
me, I take absolutely
no pleasure being inside your . . . you
call this a house? No, I simply
called at the school and was
told the headmaster was here."
exactly is it that you want with
me?" <Lucius> "The
other governors and I have decided
it's time for you to step
aside. This is an order of suspension. You'll
find all 12 signatures
on it. I'm afraid we feel you've rather 'lost
your touch.' And
what with all these attacks, they'll be no muggleborns
Hogwarts. I can only imagine what an awful loss that would be
to the school." <Hagrid> "You can't take Professor
Dumbledore away! Take him away and the muggleborns won't stand
chance. You mark my words, they'll be killings next!"
<Lucius> "You think so?" <Dumbledore> "Calm
yourself, Hagrid. If the governors desire my removal, I will
step aside. However, you will find that help will always
be given at
Hogwarts to those who ask for it." <Lucius>
sentiments. Shall we? Fudge."
- <Lucius to Dobby> "I'll
deal with you
later." <Lucius to Harry> "Out
of my way, Potter."
<Lucius to Dumbledore> "So,
it's true. You have
returned." <Dumbledore> "When
the governors learned
that Arthur Weasley's daughter was taken
into the chamber, they saw fit
to summon me back." <Lucius>
<Dumbledore> "Curiously, Lucius,
several of them were under
the impression that you would curse
their families if they did not
agree to suspend me in the first
place." <Lucius> "How
dare you. My sole concern
has always been and will always be, the
welfare of this school,
and of course, its students."
- <Lucius> "The culprit has
identified, I presume?" <Dumbledore> "Oh
<Lucius> "And . . . who was it?" <Dumbledore>
"Voldemort." <Lucius> "Ah." <Dumbledore>
"Only this time he chose to act through somebody else .
. . by
means of this." <Lucius> "I see."
<Dumbledore> "Fortunately, our young Mr. Potter discovered
it. One hopes that no more of Lord Voldemort's old school things
find their way into innocent hands. The consequences for
responsible would be . . . severe." <Lucius>
us hope that Mr. Potter will always be around
to save the day."
<Harry> "Don't worry, I will
- <Lucius> "Dumbledore. Come
- <Harry> "Mr.
Malfoy! I have something of yours." <Lucius>
I don't know what you're talking about." <Harry>
I think you do sir. I think you slipped the diary into Ginny
Weasley's cauldron. That day at Diagon Alley." <Lucius> "You do, do you?" <hands
book to Dobby> "Why don't you _prove_ it?" <sniff>
"Come, Dobby." <Harry whispers> "Open it."
<Lucius> "Dobby?" <Dobby> "Master
Dobby a sock." <Lucius> "What? I didn't
gi . . ."
<Dobby> "Master has presented Dobby
with clothes! Dobby is
me my servant!" <Dobby> "You shall
not harm Harry
Potter!" <Lucius starts spell, possibly
of the unforgivable, and highly
illegal, curse of death,
"Avada Kadavra," but
- <Lucius> "Your
meddlesome fools too. Mark my words, Potter . . . one day
you are going to meet the same sticky end."
From the deleted scene:
- "Don't touch anything,
- <snip lots of effusive
by Borgin><Lucius>"I'm not buying today,
I'm selling." <Borgin> "Selling?"
"Draco?" <Draco puts a box on the
"You are aware no doubt, that the
Ministry of Magic is conducting
more raids on private houses. There's
even rumors of a new Muggle
Protection Act." <Borgin>
"Pure wizard blood
is counting for less everywhere I'm
"Not with me. Anyway, I
brought a few items from
home that might prove, uh, <quick clearing
of the throat>
embarrassing were the Ministry to call. Poisons and
<Borgin> "Look at that!" <Lucius>
particular item is not for sale." <Borgin>
understand. It has unique qualities. One wouldn't want to see
it falling into the wrong hands."
- <Lucius> "What did
<Draco> "Touch nothing." <Lucius>
"Exactly." <Draco> "Sorry, father."
<Lucius> "Come on. We're going."
- "Violence as a tranquilizer. How twisted is that?"
- "You're looking very sexy today."
- "I do believe
that is my favorite sweatshirt I see."
- "That's very good.
He's very funny."
- "I love you, babe."
- "And get fat like you?"
- "Honestly? It tastes
like camel piss."
- "Let's stick to the classics in the
- "Very impressive set of pecs you've got there,
- "Your pecs on the other hand darling, are just
- "You can't force people to do things they don't
- "Are you listening to anything I'm telling
- "What's on the menu tonight?"
- "It'll be a riot."
- "Here come 'ere. Give us a
- "It may not be according to your master plan,
can't control everything."
- "If I've learned
anything, it's that you should have
the people who love you, around you
for as long as you possibly
- "Uh, is it just me,
or has anyone else got a sudden
desire for Chinese food?"
- "Thought you'd never get here."
Cherry (Sweet November)
- "Ah, it's too late. We sold your
dinner to the homeless."
- "Look at you! I didn't recognize
you with your clothes
- "Watch the nails."
- "Stop it. Bitch."
- "Put it back in your
- "You're looking a wee bit peaky."
- "This isn't a dress. This is a sequined sensation!"
- "Excuse me? What did you just say?"
- "Can you
dance with your shirt off? Cause that's what
happens where we're
- "You can talk about me when I'm gone."
- "From concept to execution, it's just sublime."
- "Don't even go there."
- "Omigawd Nelson, just let
- "Cherry doesn't care about things like
- "Sweetheart, do you really want to talk about this
- "It's a long story and I am not going to tell
This is all of his
- <Alain> "Is there any good
reason why you're still
here? <prostitute> "I've not been
<Alain> You've had the instruction of a lifetime.
doubt, have been thoroughly poxed! Tis you should pay me."
<sticking coin down her bodice>
badminton><Alain to servant> "In
In_or_out!?" <servant> "In?" <Alain>
"Out! Well get out! Leave the tray." <servant shuffles
sideways> "His mother was a crab you know."
- "What's going on? Is there a fire? God, I hope so. Anything.
Anything to rid me of this ennui."
- <Alain> "I don't
know you. <Jacques> "It's
me, your brother."
<Alain> "Don't touch me! My
brother's dead. <to
grandfather> "I don't know this
- "Oh, I
understand. Yes, I understand only too well."
- "Ride to
Queensferry Jail. Tell them we have an escaped
French prisoner in the
- "I'll take care of him. The rest of you, get out!
- "You sir, are an imposter, who has taken
a gullible old man."
- "Go on, kill me. I am
nothing to you. Kill me!"
- "Shoot him. Shoot him!"
- "Give me that!"
- "Shut up old man."
- "I want what's mine!"
- "The escaped French
- "My grandfather died in his sleep last week. I
see what business it is of yours."
- "Good evening, ladies."
- "Ever the optimist, Jacques? I've no need to bargain
- <Jacques> "Why do you hate me so much?"
"Because you were noble and true. And I betrayed you
save my own skin. You still don't understand do you, Jacques?
was me. I gave the committee all they needed. <Jacques>
were just a boy, Alain. You didn't know what you were
<Alain> "I knew exactly what I was doing."
- <Alain gets stabbed> "Aah!"
- "Brother." <takes Jacques' hand> "Mon
missed you. I missed you."
<---ok, once again, not really,
but damn I get sick of him dying
Cow Pat Keegan
- "The name's, Keegan. Pat Keegan."
- <Starkey> "I thought you were in prison."
<Pat> "I was released. Good behavior."
don't go blamin' your friend here for lettin' you
down. See, we had a
very entertainin' afternoon, didn't we? Playin'
<laughter from 'the boys'> <Pat clicks his
lighter three times - it lights> "Oh! You lose
- "I understand you killed
- "Should we order?"
- <Pat>"Aye, we'll have a couple of jam sandwiches."
<waiter> "We're really not that kind of restaurant,
sir." <Pat> "You have bread, do you?"
"Of course, sir." <Pat> "You
<waiter> "I see what sir is driving
"Well then . . ." <Mad Dog points
his gun at the
crotch> <waiter> "Raspberry
<Pat> "Whatever you like
- "Now about this tape . . ."
- "You really don't
want to play stupid bugger with me,
- "What a
pity. Still, I find that pain is such a marvelous
- "Should we go?"
- "I'm going to make this very simple for you."
- "Fastest reader I ever saw. Thirteen stories in four
- "Don't fuck me about anymore, Starkey."
- "Which leaves us the small matter of the tape."
<Starkey> "You can stick your tape up your fuckin'
hole!" <Pat> "Well, I don't think it would fit
hole. But, em, I have an idea who's it might." <Trish
out><Starkey> "You fucker!" <Pat>
very kind of you, Starkey. But, em, <mock whisper>
I fucked her
already." <Starkey> "Trish?"
- "Ah now, isn't that just
- <Starkey> "There's no need for this!"
"You're right, Starkey. But it's excitin', isn't it?
of course it gives us a good laugh as well."
<Starkey> "You are so sick!" <Pat> "Thank
- "You shut your mouth."
- "I don't believe in
- <Pat> "You're not going
to let him do this to
me, are you darlin'? Not after everything we went
<Trish> "I fell for you. Now you fall
- <Pat> "Look, what'll it take to get me out
this?" <Starkey> "An ability to fly."
- "Don't leave me here!"
"Funny what attracts two people, isn't it?"
"Sorry?" <Pat> "Me and Margaret.
You and Margaret.
You and your wife. _Me_ and your
wife. I suppose really to complete
the circle, you should sleep
with my wife. But, em, I wouldn't
recommend it." <Starkey>
"Crap, is she?"
- "Here's what I want you to do . . . "
- "And then
we'll all have a nice little powwow."
- "So . . . are you
ready to go _now_?"
- "What are you protecting him
- "Jesus! Is there anything funnier than a journalist
wrestling with his conscience?"
- "I'll tell you what my
_newly_ principled little friend
. . . I'll make it easy for you."
- "How's that for the bigger fuckin' picture?"
- <Pat>"You're not as smart as you think."
<Starkey after Pat leaves the room> "I never said
- <Starkey> "You two know each
"Oh, aye. We share an interest in
- "A bomb's a bomb."
- "Besides just
look what an illustrious career I kickstarted."
- "Did you
have trouble with the word, 'alone'?"
- "Do you have the
- "I thought it was a nice touch of irony . . . you
wee Margaret killed and her lover brings you salvation."
- <Starkey rants about 'individuals'> <Pat>
Aye, we get the point, Starkey."
- "You're alright, Michael. I trust you."
all have a wee listen now, shall we?"
- <Car explodes. Pat
mouthes the word "Boom"
- "I thought you said they
were long-life batteries?"
- "Don't look so shocked."
- "You're alive. 'Cause if you loved Margaret half as
much as I
did, you'll want to write about her. About who killed
her, and why.
People should know
he wasn't a martyr to peace."
- "Ah, Shit."
Harry (Solitaire for 2)
- "Well, you've got them eating out of the palm of your
- "How about some relaxation on me?"
- "Oooh, looks a bit like a child cast adrift on an endless
- "Is this a sulk by any chance?"
- "I see an autumn wedding."
- "That's because
- "She is having you on."
- "You know, if you want someone to believe you, you should
them in the eye."
- "How awful for you."
- "You are quite unbelievable. Don't you have any scruples?"
- "I think we're meant to watch this."
Christ, I don't believe it!"
- "Well, I'll get straight to
the point then."
- "You know, you are quite
- "You know, you should really take a look at
- "What's that supposed to mean?"
- "God, you are a real bitch."
- "No. You can screw
up your own life, but I'm not going
to listen to this."
- "You know what? I don't give a shit."
- "Can you read my mind?"
Tonarini (The Last Don II)
- "Let's take this slowly. Begin at the beginning."
- "We must look to God. He has all the answers."
- "You're upset."
- "I have seen the devil. And he's
no dead man."
- "Sometimes in life we all have to face
Because truth is the one constant."
- "That would explain why she said she was being held
- "I came as soon as I could."
- "You're in hell already."
- "I understand this -
if you stick around in hell long
enough, you see the devil."
- "I knew my life was over unless I changed. I decided
to live. I wanted to change. But you gotta decide
What do you want? A life? This living death?"
- "I'm gonna
come and see you everyday."
- "It takes work to save a
- "Don't be a chicken, come on!"
response to a kid yelling, "Bet you can't beat
Father!"> "Oh yeah? How much?"
- "Well, who's
gonna question a man of the cloth?"
- "She deserves a
little happiness after everything. Don't
think you could do anything you put your mind to.
- "I was just there when you needed me. Like the church
there for me. Now you don't need me anymore."
what I'm doing - I'm grabbing hold of you."
- <In response to
the older priest's, "Let's pray.">
"It won't do any
good. My mind is made up."
- "I have to go alone."
- "God, I love you. But I'm a priest and I know now what
do with my life."
- "Remember that I love you. Always
- "Ahhhhghgglghele - gurgle, gurgle."
he didn't really say this either . . . - Diane
- "Christ, smash his place up."
- "Bless me father,
for I have sinned."
- "The butcher's daughter?! Well, at
least we'll never
be short a bit o' meat, huh?"
- "Princess! Let's have a look."
- <In response to
'over my dead body'> "Well let's
hope that's not
- <In response to 'do you know what they say
"Yeah. That I'm a violent, perverted bender. But
says it to my face. Nobody."
- "Don't worry. I'm
not gonna hurt you. They are."
- "It's mine. I earned it. I
paid for it with my body."
- "You know you're precious to
- "I only make you jealous to keep you sweet."
- "You done your bit supplying the lovely bride. And all
- "Need arms, Father, to fight the devil."
- "Do you know why I'm always there for you? Do you? Because
one was ever there for me, that's why."
- "I'll buy you the
posh. They're cheaper than most people
- "If you
don't dance with me, I'm going to cut off you
husband's cock and stick
it in the pork chipolata."
- "Even cheap whores want
paying. And I ain't cheap."
- "You never complained when I
put food on the table."
- "It's a dangerous business, even
for a bloke."
- "Did you get what you wanted, eh, when you
her up, your hands all over her body? When she was
you, when you were
ridin' her, givin' her one?"
- "You don't need help from me to look like an idiot."
- "Now listen to me, you oily little shit! I don't do
- "Anything you say, Princess."
could slug it out for her, man to man. Oh, no. We
already did that, and
End of the Affair)
- "What was the real
purpose of your visit?"
- "People sometimes come to me and
can't explain why...
They must ask themselves."
- "I know
all about you."
- "Go, please. Would you just go."
- "I would have taken care of all the arrangements, if
- "We recognize the baptism of desire."
- "Nothing you can do will affect her now."
the poor man rave."
- "I know when a man is in pain."
- "Oh, you are a good hater."
- "They're very much improved,
Captain. In every way possible."
- "It's a whole different
- "How about a few tests, just to get you on
you a believer."
- "Seen enough,
- "Make a note of that."
course age is a factor."
- "And we've done such wonderful
things with the mind."
- "I believe you mean AQ, Captain.
- "Get your ass down
here on the double."
- "Look at you! Do you know how much
it cost to breed
you, you big moron? To train you? Feed you?"
- "What good is this man now? He's got no depth perception.
he can do now is walk point and take the first hit."
response to 'What about the bodies?'> "Waste
- "You still don't get it, do you, Captain? Your men are
- "We'll write this up as a training accident.
make sure the bodies get dumped a long way from here. We
want anyone asking any silly questions."
don't want paperwork, Captain. And we certainly
- "All trespassers will be considered
- "Excellent. It'll be very good experience for
- "Whoever they are, they don't belong there.
- "A growl? He heard a
- "We're obviously up against a significant
- "Those bastards are just
waiting for us in there."
- "What exactly does that crap
mean in English?"
- "We're sitting ducks here."
- "That hadn't better be a recrimination. Because if that's
recrimination I will have you court-martialled."
- "I am
- "Boom. We win."
'em. Let's just go."
- "I'm not going to die because of
your pompous bullshit."
Dr. Desmond Collier (Inspector Morse)
- "Aggression down to zero; the more you put in a cage,
they cuddle up."
- "Why don't you go and get drunk at All
Souls and I'll
struggle on with my desperately dangerous drugs"
- "Then get it while it's hot "
- "Ya can't win, can
ya? Cure their senility, give them
- <Mike> "You always leave the front door open?"
<Desmond> "Always. Just in case by any sad mischance
something exciting should escape the lab and be found on unlicensed
premises. No alibi like pleading guilty to another offence, eh,
It is Mike, isn't it?"
- "So what can I do for you at 3
- "Don't worry, won't bite. Promise."
- "There is no 'but,' this is a totally but-less drug,
police weren't so stupid I could explain it to them."
- "Suit yourself."
- "I would have thought . . . ehm
a feeling of extreme
- "Well, it's
like this; Since this pill is going to change
the life of every old
person in the world, the research labs
are dying to get their hands on
my formula and since my entire
future depends on their not getting it .
. . I left the lab unlocked
on Saturday night. Euh, classic Freudian
- "What can I tell you? Wont happen again;
Check out this coffee close-up ---->
John Barr (Taggart)
- "Before you say anything . . .
you're right. I'm sorry.
I really am."
- "But, I've
worked out a way for us to solve all our
- "You wanna shut the door?"
- "I know I've been a
mug. But this way it's a new chance
with a clean sheet. Whattaya
- "It solves everything."
- "I know.
- "Now you go off to the center. I'll go through
and get things back to rights. Then we'll cross the t's and dot
the i's on Monday, ok? Thanks a lot, pal."
- <looking at
- "Well .
. . <takes a drink from can of beer> mission
- "Yeah, it's hellish. Really
- "No, don't bother."
- "Thanks a
- "Thank god."
- "I did a bit of
walking. Through the West Highland way."
- "Nope, not a clue."
- <Taggart> "What about the figures?" <Eric>
"I suppose they're accurate. I knew we weren't in a healthy
I did not know things were as bad as this."
- <Diane> "You look different with your clothes
off." <John> "It's the suit. The dreaded lawyer's
- <Diane> "I thought you didn't drink."
"Well, I'm a beer teetotaler, not a champagne
- "Let your fingers
do the walking."
- <John> "And I was wondering, eh, what you
doing tonight?" <Diane> "What did you have in
mind?" <John> "Why, I don't know. Maybe a meal?
Italian, Indian . . . Serbo-Coatian?"
- "Thai. Chicken . .
. and lemongrass curry. I hope you
don't mind, I decided against going
out. A little privacy and
of course this way I get to show off my
skills in the . . . kitchen.
Where's the wok?"
let's see. Whatta we have here? We have lemongrass,
lime leaves (?),
shallots, coriander, garlic, chillies, shrimp
paste, tumeric, and gung
poa?? and all sorts of sauce. Do you
have even the slightest notion how
difficult it is to get your
hands on fresh gung poa at this time?"
- <looking at photo of himself> "Oh, Christ no!
embarrassing. What an idiot."
- "Hey, that's really
- <Diane> "By the way, have you got your
<John> "Sorry?" <Diane>
"Well I thought
you might be in the mood for a shallow and
- "Trust me. It's worth
- <Diane> "And what kind of a kid were
- <John kinda
quoting Shelley> "See the mountains
kiss high heaven. And the
sunlight kiss the sea. What is all
this sweet work worth, if thou kiss
John and Eric
- <John>"No! That's it! I've had enough. Look, I've
stuck in here, no telly, no bloody newspapers, no nothing
for a week
now. You know, you travel half-way around the world
to get me, tell me
all you need is for me to dress up in a monkey
suit and go to a
football match, and you give me five grand.
Ok. I haven't asked and I
don't care why. I kept my part of the
bargain. For the last time -
where is the money you promised
me?" <Eric> "Look, it's
on its way." <John>
"You've been saying that for a
"With your ticket home."
<John> "I don't
want a ticket anymore. I'm not going back.
I'm staying here."
<Eric> "What?" <John>
"I found someone
I actually want to stay for." <Eric>
photographer friend? You shouldn't have let her take
John. I don't like publicity." <John lets out a
"I'm still getting in the way, eh, Eric? A nuisance of a
little brother by 13 1/2 bloody minutes! You know, I always blamed
for sending me away. I mean, I never bought that story about
the two of
us being too much for her. All these years I thought
she just liked you
better. Now I know though it wasn't her, it
was you. You bloody set her
against me from the first day we
were born, didn't you?"
<Eric> "We can talk about
it when you're less
emotional." <John> "Emotional!
You wouldn't know an
emotion if it bit you on the leg! When I
saw that picture of the pair
of you . . . you really did cut
me off, didn't you?" <Eric>
"You smashed the
photo of mum and me!" <John> "I
don't know what
you've been up to, but either you get me the cash
today, or I'm
phonin' the police. Now what's it to be?"
just off to get the money. It'll be 15
"Good. I'll be gone in 20!"
- "Are you ok?"
- "That was
- "I wish you hadn't seen that."
Ewell (Capital City)
(First episode - "Second Quarter
- <Chas> "Sorry?"
you got a cigarette?" <Chas>
"No, I'm sorry.
I don't smoke." <Louise>
- <Chas> "A packet of cigarettes, please."
<saleswoman> "What kind? I've got 30 brands."
<Chas> "Um, I don't know. Any kind. Whatever you smoke."
- "So, em, are you going somewhere?"
- "And what
about now? Where are you going?"
- "Alright, don't worry about it. Thanks."
said we'd hold off until the market traded up. We
agreed to wait."
- <Chas> "What is the matter with you?" <Jimmy>
"Bloody Deutsch mark!" <Chas> "Listen mate,
you're gonna come unhinged everytime you read the market wrong,
rather you didn't use my desk, ok?" <Jimmy> "I
read it wrong." <Chas> "Yeah? Well what's
- "That puts us square. We did it."
- "We agreed to bloody wait."
- <Louise> "Oh,
I've slept all day." <Chas>
"That's good. Feel
ok?" <Louise> "Yeah,
better be going though."
<Chas> "No, listen.
You don't have to go. This room's empty,
no one uses it. Just
stay for a few days while you figure out what
you're doing. We
go to work early. You have the whole place to
You want something to eat?"
"Who is that?" <Chas> "It's
explain later." <Jimmy> "Isn't
she in the wrong
room?" <Chas> "Just leave her
Dez 2 (Loved
- "How ya doing?"
- "Who's the lucky girl?"
- <Dez> "Everyone
sorted for the night? I can see
you two are." <One of the
guys> "Not me."
<Dez> "Then step into my
- "Oi! Excuse me? <laughs> The story of my
- <Sarah> "Is it actually possible
to orgasm late?"
<Dez> "You're lucky he can even get it
- <Sarah> "My mom's a drunk." <Dez>
she need any drugs?"
- "Crash at my place if
- "Ah, what can I do for you?"
- <Dez> "Ah, I'm busy today. I'm working."
<Sarah> "Fair enough." <Dez> "You
along if you want." <Sarah> "Yeah?"
"Yeah, learn some tricks of the trade. You fancy?"
- "Don't say nothin,' alright? I've got a reputation to
- <Dez> "You got your real stuff in your right
Spikes in your left. Dummies up here. Yeah? What's in your
<Sarah> "Spikes." <Dez> "Very
So, someone comes to buy it, you size 'em up, right? You know
'em, you gonna see 'em again, or they're bigger than you, you
the hard stuff. Weekenders they get spiked, cause they're
rushed, they love it, they don't know any better, they
come back later
on, buy more off 'ya. Twice the profit. And tossers,
already buzzin' and want more, sell 'em a dummy.
<Sarah> "Yeah, but why're you telling
me all this?"
<Dez> "Cause I want you to come
work for me."
- "So you watch it? Didja call it? Whatta you think?"
- "You know, you're gonna make a lot of money at this."
- "You know you're looking good tonight, Sarah."
- "I wanta have sex with ya."
- "No, I'm
- <Dez> "What happened to you?"
"You might have warned me about the psycho Zen
the loose." <Dez> "Ah. You met Ray
<Sarah> "You know him?" <Dez>
He got the money I suppose?" <Sarah> "No, I
got it. And the drugs as it happens." <Dez>
"You're better at this than I am." <laughs
- <Dez> "Hello gorgeous!" <Sarah>
Dez. What are you on tonight?" <Dez>
done it all." <Sarah> "I can tell."
- <Dez> "You got a hug for the man who made it all
possible? There ya go, that's nice, isn't it? Isn't that nice?
that?" <Sarah> "I can't breath."
"Hey, just relax. Just relax. Just a bit of
affection, that's all.
Just a little bit of affection. That's
allowed, isn't it? That's
- <Dez> "I'll teach you how to come ____
- <Dez> "Get out!" <Tom> "I said,
what's going on?" <Dez> "She's all over me, man."
- <Dez> "What're you gonna do? You gonna have a
hey?" <Tom> "I might." <Dez> "Go
then. Lamp me, cocksucker."
- <Dez> "What did you
call me? I'm not your mate.
You make me puke. You think we're all one
big happy family didja?
Yeah? You think I'd hang around wankers like
you if I didn't
have to? It's all business. That's all. Money in the
of ya. You see I know that score, man. Cause I know what's
on. This poxy thing's fallin' apart. And I tell ya, when the
shit comes down, you better make sure you're wearing a fucking
- "At the beginning of the 21st century, the Umbrella
Corporation had become the largest commercial entity in the United
States. Nine out of every 10 homes contain its products. Its
and financial influence is felt everywhere. In public,
it is the
world's leading supplier of: Computer Technology, Medical
Healthcare. Unknown even to its own employees, its
massive profits are
generated by: Military Technology, Genetic
Experimentation and Viral
Evil Scientist Dude:
- "He's mutating. I want him in the Nemesis program."
- "I want her quarantined. Close observation. And a full
of blood tests. Let's see if she's infected.
- "Take her to the
Racoon City facility. Then assemble
the team. We're reopening the hive.
I wanna know what went on
down there. Just do it."
- "Yeah, I don't know. Been gettin'
a lot of heat recently."
- "Can't do it. I'd like to help,
but things are tough."
- "I'll tell
you what . . . make it 25, I'll take the
- "I told
ya, things are hard."
- "What you
fuckin' lookin' at?!!"
- "Is that right?"
happened to you?"
- "What's goin' down?"
- "Let's flush 'em out."
- "All right mate? Here,
you wanna cuppa tea?"
- "Come on, get your head down."
- "God you stink."
- "Right? Am I right?"
- "Bastard? You say, bastard? You, bastard."
it! Come on, don't feel sorry for yourself!"
On the floor, give me
five! 1, 2, 3 . . ."
- "You're pathetic! Pump 'em."
- "Oranges! Get some oranges for juice instead of that
- "No, you wait. I don't want any involvement with
- "He's rotten. Billy knew it. I know it. I
know it Jimmy,
because his type was all I had going for me when I was a
And now I want more. And I want it legit.
- "Everything I
done was in the Army. And it don't mean
- "Bloody right, mate!"
- "You bastard! Turn it off now!"
- "You deaf as
well as dumb? Move it!"
- "Come on you bastards. Any
takers? Any takers? Come
- "No, I don't owe nobody
- "Didn't work out."
- "If it's
bent, I'll walk away."
- "What's with the kid?"
- "If you really wanna know, I prefer the firing squad."
- "Take it easy! He's down."
- "Come on. What you
- "All right, what's the plan now?"
- "Oh bollocks! I'm outta here."
- "I've had enough
for one day, Jimmy. Don't try and tell
me this is legit. It reeks. It
stinks. It's got nothin' to do
with insurance and you know it. I don't
- "What is
- "Forget it. You wanker."
now I need any break I can get."
- "Watch your back. Take
- "And the same bloke, given a medal for riskin'
savin' god knows how many people, is goin' nuts because some
bastard won't turn his stereo down. His kids are yellin,' he
work, his wife don't understand why he can't get a
job. What does he
expect me to do?"
- "The kids are just gettin' on my
nerves, that's all."
- "Why don't you change the records.
You're getting to
sound like your mother!"
- "If you
wanna have a go at me, do it when he's not around,
- "All right. You wanna talk? I'm all ears. What you wanna
- "And in answer to your question, no, I haven't put
cent on the horses, but if I did, it'd be my business and not
- "Everybody wants a piece of me! I need some
- "Don't you _ever_ do that to me again."
- "What you talkin' about? You're drivin' mate. I've never
driven an automatic."
- "Keep your mouth shut."
- "All right you smartass, you drive. Just take it easy."
- "Look love, I don't know what to suggest. I'm here if
to call me again. All right?"
- "Oh god! I've got a
- "Leave it."
he's broken his bloody neck."
- "I was gonna bring these
up. Where's the sugar? Oh shit.
Where do we keep the teaspoon?"
- "Don't. Leave it. Come on. Let's go to bed. I'll take
- "I'm tellin' you - use some deodorant. You
- "You're bloody useless on directions."
- "How we set for gas?" <Steve farts> "Very
funny." <Frank sprays deodorizer in the car>
you got any cash?"
- "White Elephant, Steve."
- "Back to base, sir?"
- "They're right behind
- "They're still tailing us. What you wanna do?"
- "We can lose 'em."
- "Wanna put your seatbelts
- "Do it."
- "About time. Look, this has
got completely out-of-hand.
I've got to call the wife. She'll be
worried sick. Shit. It's
all been a misunderstanding."
- "What about the Merc? It's not mine. Who's gonna pay
- "I'm gonna make it, Jimmy." You do whatever
want, but you stay clear of me."
- "Sorry I sounded
off with you."
- <Frank> "It's not gonna work."
"What isn't?" <Frank> "Civvies. I'm
up for mercenary duty."
- "Who's 'they,' eh? The
army? I was in it, now I'm out
- "We used to
pride ourselves. We were the toughest. The
best of fightin' men. They
wanna change it all. Change our image.
It was my life. My lads. I got
as far as I could go. As far as
they let someone like me go. Yes men.
That's what they want now.
Yes men. They don't want soldiers. They want
blokes with good
education. The Falklands were the best time in my
we trained for, came together. Same for all of us.
I was made sense."
- "For your information!
There's still a war goin' on
- "I can
provide for _my_ wife and my kids."
- "I'm goin' crazy. I'm
goin' crazy." <crying>
- "Keep the MPs busy. I'm
goin' under the fence."
- <Taffy> "You come for me,
"Yeah, me and a few of the lads. Don't
want the wankers
in blue takin' you in."
- "You were the
best back-up buddy I ever had. That's
what me and the boys are here for
PART THREE - SCOTLAND
- "How do they do it?"
- "You got any guard
- "You're wide open."
- "We've got a
job to do, all right? Let's get on with
it. Get these boys cleaned
- "What's goin' down?"
- "Deal. Have you
been drinking all morning?"
- "No need to apologize."
- "Sod off! Go on, get out!"
- "We'll all have to
have a good act. You all right with
- "Right. You all know what to do. Stay tight."
asked you a question, pal."
- "You've had that comin' for a
long time, Malone."
- "Ow! Just get off me! You make me
- "Because he's free, Jimmy. Don't let some
'im to a wall."
- "Thanks for the
- <Cissy> "You look terrible."
"Had a bump into a tree."
- "It makes
you think about freedom. None of us had too
much of that. But the way
the army trains ya, everything's ordered,
you live by rules, with
regulations. Don't even know what's happenin'
- <tears streaming down his face> "Only five years
Belfast. You wear a red beret, kids spit at you in the street,
scream at you with hate. Hate. You can feel it, but you
gotta act as if
nothin's happenin.' See your mate blown apart.
You wanna give 'em some
of that shit back, ya know, but you can't.
If you do . . . Players. We
call the IRA, the players, like it
was some sick game. The only game
that's been played is on us.
Me. I don't fit in anyplace, love. None of
- "It's time I went home."
- "Take it, Steve. You're on your own."
(A Relative Stranger)
- "No need to touch, see? Just feel the air
shape the body. Explore the aura. ___ Spiritual. And
with you inner energies. Ok? So do it again. And just bloody
get it right.
- "All right, Marlon, just get on with it. Ok,
- "Yeah, that's good. Yeah that's
groovy. Great. Come
on. Really let yourselves go. You're escapin' into
of your dreams.
- "You can't get more radical than
the Dream. Personal
politics, isn't it? Enterin' the forest is breakin'
free of all
the restrictions of the bourgeois world. Findin' your true
You could do with some of that. <Steve> "Don't kid
yourself, man. It's Mickey Mouse." <Peter> "Well
you're a Welsch nationalist asshole! The Dream's exactly
where it's at.
It's an anarchist's manifesto. Well it is! You
know, man against the
- "Oi! I'm the director."
- "Bollocks. We'll do it without him."
- "You know
when this thing's all done, I'm doin' nothing
for two weeks. Absolutely
- "Do ya know there's a place in Sweden called
that one letter. Right, there's a place in America called
I was thinking we could do an alphabetical tour of the
We could busk (?), pick grapes, feed the poor."
- "Ooooh, do that again."
- "I think you should
press your obicularis oris against
my obicularis oris."
- "I think you should marry me."
- "Have I had an accident?"
- "I don't feel too
- "Where's dad?"
- "I seem to have
lost my bearings."
- "I remember the last few hours. I
remember waking up
- "I don't know these
- "What's happened to me?"
don't know what I'm doing here. Can I go to bed?"
should I sleep?"
- "I've been trying to remember what
- <Peter> "Did you hit me? I think I must
my head. <Nigel> "What?" <Peter> "I
think I must have hit my head because . . . I don't . . . I can't
- "Yeah, I was looking for an address
- <Nigel> "Don't you remember anything?"
"Not really, no."
- "You follow
- "How'd you know where I was?"
- <Peter> "I was just lookin' around, you know?"
<Alison> "Is it safe for you to be out? Do you know
you're doing?" <Peter> "Yeah, I think so.
- "Cous cous?"
- "That's me. And
you." <Alison> "That's
all of us." <Peter>
"On television?" <Nigel>
"It's tape. Rewind it,
mum. See? Video."
- "I've never been there."
- <Peter> "I was wondering about a toothbrush.
"It's in here." <Peter> "Do you
have a new
- "Did I film this?"
- "That's all we do?"
- "And I own this?"
- "You were always making things?"
- "Did I love
- "I came to see you."
- "You look
- "Are you busy?"
- "You're a
- "You don't know me, do you?"
can't seem to remember anything."
- "They think I'm at the
- "I remember you."
- "What is
- "This is what we argued about?"
- "What, you mean, art?"
- "That's very good, isn't
- <Peter> "And you thought of all this yourself?
You made it, haven't you?" <Nigel> "You said
it was a
piece of crap." <Peter> "Did I? Well,
I'm sorry. It's
uh, it's not." <Nigel> "So you
don't think I should be
doing something more practical?"
not." <Nigel> "You
mean it?" <Peter>
- <Peter> "What am I like? I mean, do
you not like
me?" <Nigel> "No. And yeah. I mean I do.
you make me feel uneasy." <Peter> "Uh huh.
go on, please. I really need to know. I mean, I'm not blaming
you. I called you 'Nigel' for god's sake. <Nigel> "What
you mean? <Peter> "Well, no disrespect . . . but
not exactly a . . . " <makes a face> <Nigel
- <Peter> "I was just wondering .
. . well do we
. . . well, obviously we did, but . . . do we still . .
<Alison> "Make love?" <Peter>
What's it like?" <Alison> "Very
hard to seperate
the sex from the rest of our marriage. What's it like,
familiar. We don't kiss very much anymore. Were you worried
you might be impotent?" <Peter> "No!"
- <Jenny> "How did you find my address?" <Peter>
"Just there in my electronic thing."
- "I suppose I
must have tracked you down."
- "Are you happy?"
- <Peter> "This is real isn't it? We're here. There's
going back." <Jenny> "No, Peter, no one gets
back. You have to make the most of this one."
"What if I don't want this one, eh? I mean,
I'm . . . I'm old. I
live in this house with this woman. And
these kids. They're _my_ kids.
Hell, one of them is a _man_.
How could they all hate me? I'm
everything I never thought I'd
- "Can I see you
- <Nigel> "Come on, dad. Don't be such a
<Peter> "Now listen to me! I don't know how,
but this - is all a mistake." <Nigel> "A
<Peter> "Yes! Everything." <Nigel>
I'm a mistake, am I? And Lisa's a mistake?"
"No." <Nigel> "And what about mum?
this? It's a pile of crap, dad, but it's your crap."
"No, you don't understand." <Nigel>
I do." <Peter> "No, you don't! I'm sorry.
don't know Jenny. You don't know what we're like. We're supposed
to be together." <Nigel> "No, dad!" <Peter>
"Yes. Now, something went wrong. I don't know how exactly,
I've got a second chance now." <Nigel> "No,
- "It's good to see you man."
"Does it bother you? <Steve> "What?"
"Doing something you're not proud of?"
- "Come on,
man. They're crap, aren't they?"
- "I wanted that to be
- "Have you read it?"
- "Been here
- <Jenny> "Why here for Christ's
"The forest. The Dream. It's here we
broke the shackles
of the bourgeois convention. I can't believe you
- <Peter> "I don't think I can do
<Jenny> "Isn't this why we're here?"
"I need to remember. We had good times, didn't
<Jenny> "Yes." <Peter> "Why aren't
we married? <Jenny> "Us?" <Peter> "Yeah,
were going to, weren't we?" <Jenny> "No. Seriously."
<Peter> "I asked you. You said 'yes'!" <Jenny>
"I don't remember." <Peter> "You must remember!
Did I do something wrong?" <Jenny> "No."
<Peter> "Did you love me?" <Jenny> "Yes,
- "I'm back."
- "I'm sorry I
didn't come home last night. I should have
(This is all of his dialogue):
- "Hello mate. How you doin? Ow."
- "I'd like to say I'm really excited about doing it.
it's fuckin' crackin.' Can't wait to get my teeth into
it. But at the
risk of being a little bit critical, I don't know
, John, if we might
have lost some of the poetry . . . "
"Remember, you are alone here, Antonio.
And the cardinal, appears
given cause to be jealous of any man,
engenders worse labors and plots
for them, then ever were imposed
on Hercules. And as for Ferdinand his
brother, he lives to entrap
men with their answers."
- "I've got a little kinda question, maybe an announcement.
there any way, do you think, Jonathan listen up please, that
do all of my scenes today? Do you think there's any
chance of Wyatt (?)
- "What I'm saying is, what I'm
saying is, remember in
San Marcs you said if I ever got a paying gig,
right? That it'd
be all right, you'd understand? Well I got the Ridley
I got it. Johnny's got some sort of urinary infection and
just called me, right, this morning. What I'm saying is, I could
do it all day today or I could come back and shoot . . . (voice
- "Uh, it's a scheduling . . . I love these guys,
And we're actually very, very close friends. There's a
conflict with another job that they always knew might come
The 'director's' comments on
- "For the record, Gavin McKay is a
fuckin' useless let-me-down
(This is all of his
"At ease. You've
done well as a marine, Corporal. Better than you
did as a civilian.
Stole a motor bike. Crashed it. Got kicked out of
Assault and battery on one, Father Crispin O'Donnell. A
<Enders> "Assistant principal at Arch Bishop
(?) High School, sir, and head disciplinarian."
"Public school boy myself."
- <Mellitz> "Some minor problems
boot. A commendation for valor in Shanghai, and you made a
hell of a
stand on the Solomon's. Tough bit of business there,
<Enders> "Pretty tough, sir." <Mellitz>
you're prepared to jump right back into it?" <Enders>
"Yes, sir. Very much so." <Mellitz> "Very
- <Mellitz> "Well,
have pretty much busted every code we've thrown at 'em,
Your men on the Solomon's were lost to a broken code. Tell me
something, you ever run into any Injuns on Solomon's?"
"Indians, sir?" <Mellitz> "Navajo
exact. The corp's developed a new code based on their language.
It's had quite an impact. So much so, the Navy has decided to
great lengths to protect it. That's why you're here. You're
with one of 'em. Keep his ass safe. Your job is to keep
him alive so he
can do his job." <Enders> "Begging
the Major's pardon,
but I believe I best serve the corp killing
Japs, not babysitting some
Indian." <Mellitz> "Enders,
we didn't pick your name
out of a hat. We need good marines.
That's why you're standing here.
Take a look." <hands
him some photos> "It's a Navajo.
Or it was. Tortured
to death by Japanese intelligence trying to bust
our code. Fortunately,
he couldn't have helped them even if he wanted
"Sir?" <Mellitz> "The
man's a Navajo, not
a codetalker. The code's based on their language,
but it is still
a code. Tojo'd like nothing more than to catch a live
I'm about to tell you, Corporal, can not leave this room.
no circumstances can you allow your codetalker to fall into enemy
hands. Your mission is to protect the code. At all costs. You
understand me?" <Enders> "Yes, sir. I do."
<Mellitz> "Good. Congratulations, you just made
(This is all of his dialogue -
- "What is it,
- "You mean the patient's . . .
- "There's our beer, Mr
- "Wey hey, beer!"
gentlemen, this is on me"
- "Mild and bitter. Four times,
- "Where is the nearest pub?"
- "Well, what's wrong with tea."
- "Tea, make it
- "Four teas."
- "Many are
- Take no notice of them, Missus. You mean
- "Thank you."
- "That's why
Ted's missus makes him a flask every day."
"Funny thing . . . I think I've seen that
before." <second man> "That's
the trouble with you,
Sid. Seen too many women before."
<Sid> "Right! You lot
sort it out. I'll go fix her
up." <second man> "Sid's
- <Mousy Woman> "Would four shillings be too
<Sid> "No, it's all right."
<Sid> "You don't get a lot of people, I suppose?"
<Mouse Woman> "No, not many." <Sid> "It
could get lonely, I expect?" <Mouse Woman> "Some
it is." <Sid> "How long you been here?"
Woman> "Only three years. Seems longer."
"Thought I'd seen you before. You don't come
from, ehm . . .
Bortonstead, do you?" <Mouse Woman>
"I come from
Ridgley." <Sid> "Ahhhhh, thought
you weren't from these
parts." <Mouse Woman> "I've
been ill. The doctor told
us to come here. My husband gave up
his job and everything. The money's
not so good here. We try
and make it up with the tea. I nearly
"You're all right now." <Mouse
better. It seems I get lonely, now I'm
"You want for company?" <Mouse
husband says 'you've got your health, what do you
for'?" <Sid>"Aww, a woman wants
- <Sid to little girl> "You've seen this
(removes his pinky ring) "Last time . . .
- "Lucky, you're taught mischief (not too sure of
line). "You've a ring on your little finger, you'll
always be lucky. I think your mam needs one. She's got hers on
wrong finger, eh? Little finger for luck . . . big one for
- "Better go."
Who wants me?"
- "What if I don't want to leave Sheffield,
eh? I'm a
home-lovin' boy, me."
- "In fact, I'd go so far
as t say it's a phobia."
- "I don't know."
- "I want that medal, boss."
- <Tony> "And one
more thing . . . " <Catterick>
"No, whatever it
is." <Tony> "A jag. A shiny
new one. But don't worry .
. . I'll buy it meself."
- "No. I'm not doin' it."
- "I said I'm not not doin' it. Anyway . . . I wouldn't
- "Get him out, will ya?"
- "Oh, give
over woman. I came home for you, didn't I?"
- "I was
- "Get off!"
- "You're a bit keen,
aren't ya? For someone who don't
wanta move?" <Tony in
falsetto> "Tony, I can't
move. I hate __ __."
- "All right, all right."
- "Oh yeah."
- "Tell me his fuckin' name."
- "Jesus Christ."
- "Well you see him again, you tell him from me he's a
fuckin' Dick Turpin." <puzzled look from the boys>
- "I just want what's mine. Nothing more, nothing
- "Ill see you two boys at Everton next time you
for a thrashing."
- "Hey, hey, we're here."
- "Will you shut up and start enjoyin' yourself for god's
- "I don't know. I'll sort him out."
- "Morning, major."
- "Look at that, eh."
- <Marina> "Where is everybody?" <Tony>
"They're all in bed. Making mad, passionate love. They do
lot 'round here."
- "You're all right now, eh?"
- "See ya later."
- "Hey, have I ever let you down
on the pitch, boss?"
- "Just one more! I'll be over in a
- Two girls approach the bar. One very attractive (jail
and one not so much. <friend> "Look at these
<Tony> "Shame about yours, isn't it?
- "Hello ladies. Fancy a drink?"
- "Yeah, I'm a
- "Last match you watched, your grandad must
- "Oi, lads! Do us a favor and get
her a drink."
- "Hello love."
referring to jail bait car slut> "You
know what this is? Three
years inside." <Tony> "She's
18, that one."
<Marina> "How do you know?"
get in here otherwise, could she?"
- "You'll wake the
- "Nothing I bloody do is good enough for you,
- "But no, you're never bloody satisfied. You keep
- <Tony> "So what did you say to
"I told her I'd scratch her Scouse eyes
out if she as much
as laid a finger on my husband." <Tony>
thing you were polite."
- "I just want to
- "Thank you very much."
- "I'm gonna
fall into me bed."
- "Listen, how old are ya?! I'm talkin'
to ya! How bloody
old are ya?"
- "Oh shit!"
- "Shit, shit, shit!"
- "Evenin,' Constable."
- <Constable> "What're ya doin'?" <Tony>
"Biology. We're studying biology."
- "What you
- "Where are the kids?"
honey. I'll do anything you want."
- "I can't go back. Not
- "It's a life ban! No exceptions."
- "Well, you can if you like. You'll not catch me crawlin.'"
- "You mighta thrown the game. I bloody saw you throw
You're even worse at throwin' the game than you are
at playing the
bloody game! But I never threw nothin,' right?
All I did was have a
- "Listen, from now on, you keep away from me, right?
Both of ya. You don't ring me. You don't see me. We don't know
other. And that's the way it stays."
- "It's just a spur of
the moment thing."
- "Nah, you're all right."
- "Hey, leave 'er alone for Christ's sake!"
- "Better go."
- "None of your bloody
- "Yeah, well I'm not in the mood for sympathy,
- "What's it got to do with me?"
- "Course I can."
- "I'm gonna change, all
- "I don't know what you're talkin' about."
- "I"m in trouble."
- "I can feel him out
there, you know? Waitin' to get
me, and he's not gonna stop 'til he's
- "I don't know what I'm gonna do."
- "Whattaya want with me?"
- "Easy, eh?"
- <Gabbett> "Come one, admit it Tony. You're bent.
the truth." <Tony> "What do you know about
truth?! Eh, you want the truth?"
- "Yeah, I am bent. The
whole stinkin' game is. But you
know what? At least I love it."
- "There's something I need to tell you."
Sledge (The Last
(This is all of his
recent, but very welcome addition to our little portfolio."
- <Janey> "So you're all drug dealers then?"
<Percy smiles and says> "Actually Janey, I'm a singer,
amongst other things. Damon here's a big fan of my singing. Aren't
Damon?" <Damon> "Oh yeah. Percy here's a
- "Hang on."
"Enough of that bollocks. Oi! That's enough!
Just play the
records." <DJ> "Fuck off."
(incredulous)> "Sorry? What did you say?"
"I said, 'fuck off.'" <Percy> "That's
thought you said."
- "Right. That's enough of that cunt.
It's time I got
off mine." <-- not sure about that last
- "I'll be back for that. Keep it warm."
- "Shanks! Shanks! Sha-anks!
- "Shankie, Shankie, Shankie. Put the fucking kettle on!
- "Did you really think I wouldn't come and find
Shanks? Eh? Did you really think you could fuck with me?
You must mistake me for some kind of customer-friendly lending
institution. Do I look like a banker to you? Cause I'm not.
don't give credit. You take my gear, you pay for my
gear. And I
thought that was perfectly crystal even to an old
nunce like you."
- "Is that so? What you've gotta understand . . . is a
payment is not exactly the issue. I cast __ very often,
thank you very
much. If I let you take a piss, my other clients
might think I've gone
all reasonable or somethin.' They
might think they can take a
liberty, while you've taken a liberty.
And that we cannot
- "So . . . what I'm gonna do, is make an example of
and your entire pathetic little crew. And that's why we've brought
knives . . . and guns . . . and a lovely big sledgehammer. Say
prayers, Mr. Grimshanks. This is gonna be a fuck
- "Turn him
- <in a tiny voice with a little wave of his hand>
- <imitates Shanks whining and then smashes him
in the face
with his sledgehammer> "And that is why they
quotes from the special
features coming soon . . .
Captain Hook/Mr. Darling
- "All right! All right! All right! All right! A little
noise! Let's settle down!"
- "No . . ."
- "Go on! Walk to your auntie. Stand up
- "Shhhh! Stop it!"
- "My Wendy .
. . a woman."
- "I say . . .what
nice weather we're having . . ."
- "I say . . . splendid
- "Uh, I, uh, what a . . . I, uh, uh, I uh."
- "I have been humiliated! No! I must become a
that children fear and adults respect! Or we shall all end
up in the
- "Let them hear! Let the whole world know! This
a nurse! This is a dog!"
- "Tomorrow you
begin your instruction with Aunt Milicent.
It's time for you to
- "Oh. No. It's snowing. We'll catch our
- <weak forced laugh> "May I introduce my wife
at her> . . ." <Mary> "Mary."
- <Hook>"I was dreaming, Smee, of Pan. And in my
dream I was a magnanimous fellow. Full of forgiveness. I thanked
for cutting off my hand and for giving me this fine hook.
disembowling, and ripping throats, and other fine such homely
combing my hair." <Smee> "So Pan did
you a favor . .
." <Hook> "A favor? He fed my
hand to a crocodile. The
Beast liked it so much it's followed
me ever since, licking it's lips
for the rest of me. YOU CALL
THAT A FAVOR?!!!"
Lucifer the beast swallowed a clock. If it wasn't
for the ticking it
would have had me by now."
- "Why did you wake me,
- "He's back."
- "Fetch Long
- "Stay with him! Stay with him! Fire!"
- "Damnation! Reload the cannon! Quickly!
- "Any other
- "Search the jungle! Bring me those
- "Princess Tiger Lily."
- "We search, as
ever, for Peter Pan and his hideout.
Luckily two boys of his
acquaintance were seen falling into this
part of the jungle. Have you
seen them?" <much swearing
in Indian> <Smee> "She
says, sorry, but no."<Hook>
"My hook thinks you have,
- "Like all surpise attacks . . .
it must be conducted
- "Put them on the
- "Come on. Fly to the rescue and then I'll shoot
right through your noble intentions."
- * <Pan in
Hook's voice>"Mr. Smee! Brimstone and
gall, man, what do you
think you're doing?" <Smee>
"We put the children on the
rock, Captain, like you said."<Pan>
"Well set them
free!" <Smee> Set 'em free? But
what about your trap?"
<Pan> "Set them free or
I'll plunge my hook in you!"
<Smee> "I don't
know what he wants. But I'm just a
blithering idiot, aren't I?
Chain 'em up, let 'em go"<throws
teddy in the water>
"And take your cat wit' ya."
- <Hook> "Mr. Smee?"Any sign of him?"
<Smee> "No, Captain." <Hook> "Where
children?" <Smee> "It's all right, Captain.
We let 'em
go." <Hook> "You what?" <Smee>
'em go, Capt'n." <Hook laughs> "You
- <Pan in Hook's voice> "Smee!"
<Hook> "Who are you stranger?"
am James Hook, Captain of the Jolly Roger."
"If you are Hook, who am I?"
<Pan> "You . . .
are a codfish."
<Hook> Tell me, Hook, have you another
<Pan in his own voice>
<Hook> "Ordinary boy?"
<Pan> "Yes! Do you give up? I am . .
- <Hook>"It is your requiem mass,
- <Peter Pan> "Ready to lose the other
<Hook> "Not this time."
"If I were you . . . I'd give up!"
<Pan> "If you
were me . . . I'd be ugly."
- <Hook> "Ow."
- <Hook> "Ready? Fire!"
- <Hook> "And
now Peter Pan - you shall die."
<Pan> "To die will be
an awfully big adventure."
<crocodile ticking sound>
<Hook> "Oh no."
- "SHOOT IT!!! You! Smee!!!
"It's all a bit tragic, really, isn't
- "Oh evil day."
- "He has found himself a . . .
<Tink goes on about
Wendy> Wendy? And Hook is all alone."
- "You too? Banished? Tsk, tsk. The dog."
- "I think
you and I . . . should talk."
- "What is it? Have they returned?"
- "They have not returned."
- <Hook sings> "Avast belay the English brig. We
took and quickly sank. And for a warning to the crew, we made
the plank. Yo ho, yo ho, the frisky plank. He walks
along it so, til it
goes down, and yous go down, to Too Ra Loo
Ra Lo . . . " <ends
with a flourish>
- "Wendy . . . darling."
- "I'm told you ran away from home."
- "Ugh, growing up is such a barbarous
business. The inconvenience.
And pimples. And then the mess starts.
Feelings come. Pan is
so lucky to be untroubled by them. Oh no, he
cannot love. It's
part of the riddle of his being."
there, there, shhh, tsk, tsk. It doesn't have to
be this way."
- <Hook> "Didst thou ever want to be a pirate, my
hearty?" <Wendy> "I once thought of calling myself
. "<Hook> "Hmmmm?"<Wendy> "Red-handed
Jill." <Hook> "Oh! What a marvelous name! That's
we'll call you if you join us!"
- "Do you, ehm, by any
chance, tell stories?"
- "Absolutely! You must. My fellows will return you whence
found you. None of my crew will follow you. I swear it."
- "My new obsession is you. Not Peter Pan. Or his
- <Wendy> "What would mother think of
a pirate?" <Hook> "Until we meet
- <Hook to Tink> "Don't fret my dear. With
we'll both be free."
- "There's no such
thing as fairies."
- "A new era begins. Take them
- "There's still room for a
"I'd rather die."
- <Smee> "Captain,
Captain! <Hook> "Hmmm?"
<Smee> "Look at the
sky! Look at the water! Pan must
company! Hat's off! A moment of silence for
our fallen enemy . . .
- "We sail at dawn!"
Bank (conference room):
- "I do believe in fairies! I do! I
- ""He's alive! Why is he? What is he?"
- "I'll have one last story before you die!"
story of Peter Pan."
- "Once upon a time . . . ?"
- "Skip the prologue. What fun he must have had."
- "Lonely? He needed a Wendy."
- "Why a Wendy?"
- "What stories?"
- "Love stories?"
- "They all end in a kiss. A kiss . . . he does feel.
about you. She told him stories. He taught her to fly.
<Wendy> "You just think happy thoughts.
They lift you into
the air." <Hook> "Alas, I
have no happy thoughts."
<Wendy> "That brings
you down." <Hook> "How
"Fairy dust! You need fairy
"What of Pan? Will unhappy thoughts bring
<Wendy> "He has no unhappy thoughts."
- "What if
Wendy walks the plank?!"
- "You know . . . I really am
terribly sorry about this."
- "The irony! It comes for Hook
and gets a story."
- <Smee> "Did you hear her hit the
I didn't." <Hook> "The beast has
whole!" <Smee> "It looks for more,
<Hook> "Then let's give it more!"
- "To the plank!"
- "Silence, puling spawn!"
- "I'll show you the road to dusty death . . ."
- "Into the rigging with you! Hunt it down! Move, you
- "What was that?!"
"So, Peter Pan, this is all your doing?"
"Aye, James Hook, it's all my doing."
- "Proud and
insolent youth . . . prepare to meet thy
him! He's mine."
- <Hook yells> "It's Hook! He flies!
And he likes
- "I know what you are!"
<Pan> "I'm the
best there ever was." <Hook>
"You're a tragedy."
<Pan> "Me? Tragic?"
<Hook> "She was
leaving you, Pan. Your Wendy was leaving
you. Why should she
stay? What have you to offer? You are incomplete.
grow up than stay with you.
us now take a peep into the future. What's
this I see? Tis the fair
Wendy. She is in her nursery. The window
<Pan> "I'll open it."
<Hook> "I'm afraid
the window's barred."
<Pan> "I'll call out her
<Hook> "She can't hear you."
<Pan> "No! Wendy!"
<Hook> "She can't see
forgotten all about you."
<Pan> "Stop! Please stop
<Hook> "And what is this I see? There is
your place. He is called husband."
- "You'll die alone and unloved . . . just like me."
- "Silence all! For Wendy's farewell."
"Tis just a thimble." <Hook>
"How like a
girl. By all means, my beauty. Give Peter
Pan your precious
- "Pan, you're PINK!"
- "Split my infinitives."
- "No! I have won!"
<Pan> "You are old."
<Hook> "But I
won!" <One of the twins>
"And alone." <the other
<Hook> "I won, I won,
I won!" <Wendy> "Done
"Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts! Ripping,
choking, lawyers, dentists . . . " <stupid
"Old. Alone. Done for.> "Pus, children's blood,
puppy's blood, disease, scabs. Kittens dashed on spikes! No!
death, black death! Any death! A nice cuppa tea!"
Alone. Done For." <sob>
- <Pan in Hook's voice>
"Brimstone and gall! Silence,
you dogs!" <Pan in Pan's
voice> "Or I'll cast
anchor in you!"
- "What? I'm coming! What is it?!"
back. Good. Excellent. Well done."
- "Oh, my angels! My
boy. Of course I missed you!"
- <Wendy> "Mother,
Father, I'd like to introduce
the lost boys. May I keep them?"
I, I . . . I mean, the expense!"
"Think of the neighbors."
the neighbors! And dash the expense!"
- "Welcome to the family, boys."
- "Anyone for a
- <Charlie> "You feeling lucky?" <Vicky>
"Yes." <Charlie> "Good. Bring me some."
- "Why not let him lose? ___ again, right?"
- "Thanks very much."
- "Thank you."
- <Vicky> "Thanks a lot." <Charlie> "It
was a gift. Spend it slowly." <Vicky> "That was
classy move. Are you just a lucky guy, or do you know something
don't." <Charlie> "I know a little bit
about a lot of
things." <Vicky> "Well you seem
to know a lot about
this." <Charlie> "You know,
let me give you a life
lesson - never take a risk you don't have
to. That way there's less
chance of losing, see?" <Vicky>
"Are you a card
counter?" <Charlie> "What?"
"You know exactly what I mean . . ."
"No, I, I, I have to go. You should stick
to the $10 table."
<Vicky> "Hey, wait! Stop a
second! I just . . ."
<Charlie> "I said, 'good
valet> "Thank you very much. Thank you."
"I could be a real asset to you. Who would
suspect such an
innocent partner?" <Charlie> "Partner?"
<Vicky> "Yeah, you could teach me. I'm pretty fast."
<Charlie> "I'll bet you are. How old are you?"
<Vicky> "Old enough." "And I have a photographic
memory." <Charlie> "Really, photographic?"
you could be an asset in a place like this." <Vicky>
"Yeah?" <Charlie> "Yeah, they never remember
they park the cars. You'd look in one of those little t-shirts.
- <Charlie watches the waitress leave
the table and makes
a 'mmm, mmm, mmm' sound> <Danny>
careless, Charlie." <Charlie>
"What, the girl?
Whattaya talkin' about? She guessed. She read too
<Danny> "You know what I'm talking
"Come on, honey. What's the big
"What's the big deal? What is the big
deal? I'm getting
too old for this shit. I invited you here for a
<Lois> "We invited you here for a
<Danny> "You're right, sweetheart. I'm
invited you here for a vacation. Hell, I'm even
letting you use
my Jaguar." <Charlie> "Don't think I
it. I'll be gone before you know it. This is . . .
a fuss over nothing." <Danny> "Nothing?!
what they told me when I got the pacemaker and it gave me the
shock of my life." <Charlie> "You know in the
. . . you and I walk into a place like that . . ."<Danny>
"Charlie, the point, this isn't the old days anymore. This
backyard. This is where we live, ok?" <Lois>
respectable members of the community now." <Danny>
"That's right. We play a little and we have fun. And if
that's great. And if we don't, it's ok. We don't get
<Charlie>(laughs) "I'm never gonna go
there again. Scout's
honor, all right?" (holds up two fingers
in scout salute)
<Danny> "Charlie, you know I love
you. That's a given. Hey,
we've been through a lot together.
Just don't screw up my retirement,
all right? (Lois hands him
a drink) Thank you, honey."
<Lois> "Ahh! Don't toast
with water! It's bad luck."
<Charlie> "I'm not that
Harbor House Seafood
- <Charlie> "What kind of
place you taking me here?"
<Lois> "Don't start. It got
a great review."
<Charlie> "In what? Tacky Restaurants
<Lois> "Come on." <Charlie>
get Chinese."<Lois> "No, we're meeting
here. Quit your whining. It'll be fun. It's got cabaret . .
<Charlie> (disgusted sound) <Lois> "You can
order those little cocktails with those tiny little umbrellas."
(Waiter hands Charlie a menu) <Charlie> "Thank you."
- <Lois> "You're right. This place is starting to
me of 20 Thousand Leagues Under the Sea. Come on.
outta here. I'm gonna call Danny." <Charlie>
"Shhhh." <Lois> "What?" <Charlie>
"I'm staying. You can go if you like.
- <Lois> "I'll
bet you can't think of a pickup line
I've never heard before."
<Charlie> "Oh Lois,
you're deeply shallow."
- <Charlie> "That was fantastic! <Celia> "Thank
you." <Charlie> "I am just breathless. I've never
anything like that. You've left me speechless." <Celia>
"It doesn't sound like it." <Charlie> "No.
what is someone as talented as you doing in a place like
<Celia> "Singing." <Charlie>
really unfair to you. You really belong somewhere
<Celia> "Thank you I guess."
look, sorry, it's all coming out wrong.
Do you have a moment? I'd love
it if you joined me for a drink.
This is my friend's wife. It's not
what you're thinking."
<Celia> "And how do you know
what I'm thinking?"
<Charlie> "I know a little bit
about a lot of things."
- <Lois> "I think that went awfully well. Do you
you'll be needing a ride home?"
Harbor House Seafood Restaurant:
- <Charlie> "She from around here?" <Bartender>
"The Azores." <Charlie> "Married?"
<Bartender> "Was." <Charlie> "Divorced?"
<Bartender> "Uh uh, dead at sea a long time ago. But
still the most married woman you'll ever meet." <Charlie>
"Wish me luck." <Bartender> "You'll need
more than that, pal."
- <Charlie> "Mrs. Amonte! Hi.
"You're the whistler?"
right. You remember."<Celia>
<Charlie> "I had to come listen to
you again. I haven't
been able to get your voice out of my head all
day. I'm afraid
I'm turning into a bit of a groupie. You haven't got a
to come have a drink, ___? Mmm, maybe you could explain the
"Thank you. Maybe some other
time." <Charlie checks
'em. Two's my lucky
number." <Dealer> "Hit 11."
"Again." <Dealer> "Nineteen.
<Charlie> "Again." <Dealer>
<Charlie> "Again." <Dealer>
<the other player> "Oooooh, you
have bigger balls than I
do." <Charlie> "Again."
"Twenty. Very nice." <Charlie nods>
"Fourteen. Twenty-one, very nice. Dealer
other player> "Ooooh, oooh, man
you hit it!"
<Dealer> "Black out." <the
"What's that, like six grand?" <Charlie>
In Casino security
- <Charlie> "Since when is it
against the law to
win at cards?" <Casino guy> "Geez,
you are one
of a kind, Mr. Beck." <Charlie> "Thank
<Casino guy> "A real old-school counter. You've
banned everywhere - Sun City, London, Vegas, Hong Kong,
I see you did some time here for a scam in Monte
ya think, you were just gonna walk in here and take all
money?" <Charlie> "No, I thought I'd win
<Casino guy> "Well, I'll tell you what I'll do.
got two choices here. One, I send this photo to every one of
casinos in the group, and if you walk in there, even to use
you're gonna be thrown in jail for trespassing. Or
two, you can work
for me and catch cheats just like yourself."
"Yeeeaaahhh, I think I'd rather eat my own
guy> "Well, you're running out
of choices, Charlie."
<Charlie leans over to look at
something on the desk and sees
stuffed squirrel. Taps it on the
nose with his index finger and in a
high voice says> "Hello,
hello." <Casino guy>
"Get him outta here."
- <Charlie looking at the phone
- <Charlie> "Oh, hi, sorry to
<Vicky> "Hey. How'd you find me?"
"You're the girl from the casino."
you're the card counter." <Charlie>
no, I'd really rather you stop saying that."
"You changed your mind." <Charlie>
I, is this the right house for Celia Amonte?"
"What? You want my ma?" <Charlie>
ma? No, it can't be." <Vicky> "Well, it
<Charlie> "How old was she when she had you, about
9?" <Vicky> "What am I missing here? How do you
ma?" <Charlie> "I, uh, I met her - uh,
the other night
at the restaurant. We got on really well and
she told me to pop by the
house some time. Is she in?" <Vicky>
"My ma, would
never do that." <Charlie> "Well
she did. Well, all
right, she didn't. I saw her sing and I just
. . . (lip lick) . . . I
wanna ask her out." <Vicky>
(laughs) "Are you out of
your mind? She's never gonna date
a gambler." <Charlie>
"It's just a job. We are
far more than what we do."
<Vicky> "Or far less.
However . . . I could be very useful
to you in a situation like
this." <Charlie> "Yeah, go
"Teach me to card count, and I'll get you
a date with my
ma." <Charlie> "You know what? I think
my chances by myself." <Vicky> "Ok, fine.
your decision. But . . . I can guarantee that you'll never see
my ma again. I just mention the word 'gambler' to her . . . you'll
what happens." <Charlie> "You're scary. You
know loan sharks more flexible than you." <Vicky>
"Thank you. So it's a deal?" <Charlie> "No,
don't have a deal, because I don't do deals with minors."
- (Celia comes home) <Celia> "What the hell are
at my house?" <Charlie> "Uhh . . .
"He helped me home. Well, my, my bike,
it broke down on the turn
for 195. And luckily, Mr. . . . . ?"
Charlie Beck." <Vicky>
"Mr. Beck was there and he
stopped by and helped me fix
it. Uh, he made sure I got home, well,
safe. That was nice, wasn't
it? <Celia> "Hmmm, mmm."
was nothing, just, you know, quite good with
my hands. What are
you doing here?" <Celia> "I
<Charlie> "Really?" <Celia>
<Charlie> "You know, this might not be
the right time,
but I'm wondering if there's any chance you might ever
have, uh, (lip lick), you know, a meal or drink or something,
with me? I mean, not just you, obviously. You and your sister
very welcome to come. Just . . . very welcome."
"Well, thank you for bringing my daughter
home, Mr. Beck. Good
night." <Charlie> "Daughter?
<Celia to Vicky> "I need
to talk to you." (shuts door
in Charlie's face)
- <Charlie> "Smooth. Smooth."
On the street:
- <Vicky> "Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! I have been
for you all day! What kind of partner are you?"
"What the hell are you?" (Vicky removes
her helmet and
goggles) "Oh, it's you. Of course, who else
would it be? Listen,
thanks very much for the help with your
mum. Unfortunately . . . she's
obviously never gonna . . ."
<Vicky> "I can make this
"I'm sorry?" <Vicky>
"I'll tell you where
to find her tomorrow night. All alone."
"Great, ok. Thanks very much, where?"
"Unh uh. It's a very simple deal."
- <Vicky> "What happens if I miss one?" <Charlie>
"You stop playing, you go home. I told you, only take a
there's any chance of winning. All right, let's try it
one more time.
Twos to six score?" <Vicky> "One."
"Ten to ace?" <Vicky> "Minus
<Charlie> "Everything else?" <Vicky>
"Nothing." <Charlie> "All right, you've
Ready? All right, watch me. Watch the cards. One, two,
five, four, four, five, four, five. Now the higher
the number, the
higher the chance of a 10 coming up. And we love
those 10s. Five's
pretty big, so you bet big. All right. And
now, your turn. So . . .
tell me about your mom. What kind of
person does she normally go out
with?" <Vicky> "No
"Good. What is she like? What,
uh, what is she comfortable
with?" <Vicky> "Fish.
We're fish people. We come from
generations of fish people. She's
comfortable with fish."
(Charlie's nodding) <Charlie>
"All right, yeah. I can work
with that." (blows breath
out) "Uh, you got anything
else?" <Vicky> "You'll
find her at Ontero's. She goes
there every Thursday night around
"Who's Ontero?" (Vicky
laughs) <Vicky> "It's a
"She used to go there with
my dad. She keeps doing it."
maybe it's not the right kind of . .
." <Vicky> "No.
I thought about it. You could break the
monotony. Make her laugh.
I'm doing this more for her than I am for
"You're a very unpredictable
girl." <Vicky> "You
can't predict what I'll say, but
you can predict that I'll say
it." (Charlie looks perplexed, along
with the rest of the
"Here you are, sir." <Charlie>
"Thank you. I'd
like a glass of water. Thanks."
- <Charlie> "Oh, my
God. It's you." (laughs)
"Charlie Beck. Remember, I brought
your daughter home and
. . .? That is two pretty big coincidences in
the same week.
It's gotta mean something, don't you think? Unless, of
you're following me?" (Charlie raises his eyebrow)
"I was here first." <Charlie> "Yeah.
that's true. So, ehm, what are you doing here?" <Celia>
"I come here to be alone." <Charlie> "Sorry.
Didn't mean to disturb you. Sorry."
- (waiter brings water)
"Ah, here we go. I'd like some
. . . uh . . . uh, caldo verde . .
. uh, caldinho . . . and some
canja. Canja, por favor."
<Celia> "You just ordered
three types of soup."
<Charlie> "Yeah. Yeah,
I know. I like soup."
- <Charlie> "So how long you been singing?"
<Celia> "For as long as I can remember." <Charlie>
"I have to tell you, I am such a fan of that music."
<Celia> "Really? I didn't realize there was fado in
England." <Charlie> "Well, theres's not a lot
honest, but uh, I fell in love with it mostly in Portugal,
or in the
Azores, really." <Celia> "You've been
<Charlie> "Yes. I've traveled to a lot
of the islands,
actually. I went to Sao Miguel, Flores, Pico
. . ." <Celia>
"Of course. Why?"
<Celia> "That's where
I'm from." <Charlie>
"You serious? <Celia>
"Uh huh." <Charlie>
"I'm not kidding you,
I think that Graciosa might be the most
beautiful place on the
planet." <Celia> "I don't know
anyone who's actually
traveled there." <Charlie> "In
fact, I think
Graciosa had the most amazing olive oil I've ever
<Celia> "Which one?" <Charlie>
I can't remember. But I was only 18." <Celia>
you traveled all over the world. May I ask you what brings
here?" <Charlie> "Uh, (lip lick) . . . fish."
On the street:
- <Charlie> "You know you're in serious danger of
my feelings? I've come to New Bedford to open a fish
I don't see what's funny about that."
timing. The catch has never been this
bad. Our fishermen are being
strangled by regulations, but of
course you would know that."
<Charlie> "Oh yeah,
I know that. It just makes it a better
time to invest. Besides,
I've patented a revolutionary new technique
for, ehm, filleting
fish. Gets rid of all those tiny, you know
. . . bones. <Celia at the same time>
<Charlie> "Yeah, stick in your throat.
I'll make a
fortune." <Celia> "You just don't seem like
fishy type." <Charlie> "That's because you haven't
seen my gills." (Celia laughs) <Charlie> "Do
sail?" <Celia> "Yes, of course. All
<Charlie> "I was wondering though if
you might want to do
something completely insane, call me crazy,
we could have a meal and
sit at the same table. Whatta you say?"
think about it."
At Danny and
- <Charlie> "Hey, hey,
"Hey, hey. So, did you forget to bring
your swimsuit, Charlie?"
<Charlie> "Well, I was hoping
we could all go skinny-dipping."
<Danny> (laughs) "Fat
chance. <Lois> "How
you doing with that singer?"
good actually, yeah. She's all aces. In
fact, I wanted to talk
to you about her. I was wondering if I could ask
a little favor."<Danny>
"Why, does she need money
too?" <Charlie> (laughs)
"It's just that, ehm, turns out
Celia's a really big fan
of the ocean." <Lois> "Celia?
you remember her name." <Charlie> "Oh
ehm, Celia and I were wondering if there's any
ehm, we could borrow the boat." <Danny> "Boat?
That's not a boat, that's my yacht." <Charlie> "The
yacht then, please." <Danny> "I'd rather lend
wife." <Lois> "Excuse me." <Danny>
"Metaphorically speaking, sweetheart." <Charlie>
"Come on, Danny, help me out." <Danny> "Charlie,
the last time I lent you something, it became part of the landscape
Sun City, remember?" <Charlie> "Yeah. Fair
uh, far be it for me to bring up the thorny subject
of, uh . . . "
<Danny> "What, Monte Carlo? I'm
sick of hearing about that
shit." <Charlie> "I
know, I know. It's just that one
time in your life you cross
the line, do something illegal for your
very, very dear friends
and get involved in one of their seedy little
scams . . . and,
and who should end up taking the hit?"
right. For nine years, nine years, you've
been giving me this
shit. When is it gonna end?" <Charlie>
You lend me the boat, I go for a nice little cruise and
never mention Monte Carlo again. I'll never - I won't even be
able to say the word. Mmmmee aww. See?" <Danny> "No!
way am I going to lend you that yacht." <Charlie>
were single once. Come on, have a heart." <Danny>
"Forget about it. No. No, not you." <Lois> "Oh
sweetie, be a nice guy. Let Charlie use your boat for his little
date." <Danny> "Are you both nuts?" <Charlie>
"Danny, what am I gonna bump into, plankton?" <Danny>
"No, no, no." <Lois> "Come on." <Charlie>
"Nothing's gonna happen." <Danny> "All right.
lend it to on one condition." <Charlie> "Anything."
At Celia's house:
- <Charlie> "Hi." <Celia> "Don't
use the phone?" <Charlie> "I wanted
to see your
face." <Celia> "Thank you. What?"
"I think we have company." <Celia>
mother-in-law. Vi? This is Charles Beck."
"Hi, how are you?" <Vi makes hmpphhh
<Charlie> "Great. Good, yeah, I think she
likes me. Um, I
wonder what you're doing this weekend. I thought
maybe we could go out
on my yacht." <Celia> "Thank
you, but no."
<Charlie> "Maybe you have other
"No, I don't." <Charlie>
"Oh. Right. (laughs)
Sorry, I obviously misread all the
. . . I thought you might want to
see me again. Sorry."
<Celia> "Charles? Well, I do want
to see you again.
Just not on the ocean." <Charlie>
I thought it was me. Ah, you're worried about the boat.
a big old bugger of a boat. It's a yacht. It's ahh, it's very
stable." <Celia> "There's not such a thing as
boat." <Charlie> "All right well, tell
you what, why
don't you think about it." <Celia> "No,
sure." <Charlie> "Ah ha, pretty sure,
'Pretty sure' is a long, long, long way from sure.
Why don't you think
about it, and I'll call you."
- <Celia> "How does your
captain know so many members?"
<Charlie> "Oh, he's a .
. . " <Danny> "Hello,
"It's a terrible story, really.
He had his own boat, and then he,
ah, you know (makes drinking
from a bottle motion) . . . lost
he's all right now, you know. He's
sober." <Person on dock>
"Hey, Danny, how's the
boat?" <Danny> "I sold the
"It's nice for him to be part of it
all again. Plus, it's
very hard to get good staff nowadays."
Jesus." <Celia> "That's very
kind of you."
<Charlie> "Well, I hope someone would do
it for me,
you know. Don't know what I'd do if I couldn't get on the
smell the salt, the waves , and . . . the fish."
"Did you grow up near the ocean?"
on it, really. My dad was a tugboat - pilot
- captain, tugboat
captain." <Danny under his breath>
was a drunken liar." <Celia> "Is he
<Charlie> "No, he stopped, because he,
uh, uh, died.
So he stopped." <Celia> "I'm sorry to
<Charlie> "No, no, it was a long time ago.
is. She's not much, but I call her home. All aboard!"
"I can't do this." <Charlie> "Yeah,
can. We're gonna have a lovely day. Tell you what . . . if at
point you wanna come back, we'll come straight back and get
it's a promise." <Celia> "Maybe some
<Charlie> "Hey, look, I checked
the weather. The sea's gonna
be smooth as a pool table. Come
on, trust me."
"Hey, Vargas! Take it easy!" <Danny>
Mr. Beck." <Charlie to Celia> "You
<Charlie to Danny> "Where you going?"
"Nature calls, Mr. Beck. Watch out for the
<Celia to Charlie> "What?" <Charlie>
"Nothing, just looking at your eyes. They were blue when
land, now they're, they went green for a while, now I
see the sea
bouncing off them and and I don't know what they
embarassed> "Come on."
<Charlie> "So does
the word, 'fado,' mean anything
in English?" <Celia>
"It means fate." <Charlie>
(Fishermen are yelling at the boat coming towards them) <Charlie>
"Oh shit. Hold that. I'll get it, I'll get it." <Celia>
"You need a hand?" <Charlie> "Oh, no. Thanks.
ah . . ." <Celia> "Hurry!" <Charlie>
"I've got no nails for this. Oh, you can take it off down
Yeah, that's good. That's good. What did they say?"
Portugese> "Learn how to sail, you stupid
<Charlie> "Thanks very much!"
"What the hell's going on?!"<Charlie>
- <Celia> "I love everything
about the sea. Any
day now Vicky's going to announce that she's going
I will have to let her. I don't want to become the kind of
that . . . (makes clawing motion). She's all I have. My mother
died when I was seven. I never knew my father. I was just a kid
started making my living by singing on the street. And
then later, in
bars. But before anything bad could happen to
me, I met Joseph. After
he died, the only thing that kept me
from joining him was Vicky. I
never said this to anyone. I mean,
I thought it, but I never heard
myself actually saying it, so
why am I saying it to you?"
know. Maybe you're beginning to trust me.
You don't want to trust
me too much." <Celia> "No
danger of that."
<Charlie> "Phew." <Celia>
I just wanna be honest with you. I don't want to start
that doesn't have a chance. Joseph was my first and only man.
I grew, I expanded, I lived through him. And you know how that's
possible?" <Charlie> "How?" <Celia>
"Because he lived through me. I think you can only say that
one person in a lifetime. If you're lucky." <Charlie>
"Woooo. Well, I'm off to shave my head and join a monastery.
could I compete with that?" <Celia laughs>
In the cafe:
"Minus two." <Charlie> "That's
<Vicky> "Okay. So what's next? Let's go."
<Charlie> "What's next is working out the true count,
a betting strategy and making sure you don't get caught
course." <Vicky> "The true count is the running
divided by the number of decks left. Yeah?" (Charlie
confused) <Vicky> "Internet." <Charlie>
"Oh." <Vicky> "So, let's start betting."
<Charlie> "Well, no, let's consolidate what we know,
get it in under a minute. And go." <Vicky> "So
haven't taught me anything I didn't know already."
"Let me tell you about my life, Vicky. I
am very good at this. As
good as you could ever hope to be, and
I am practically broke. Living
off my friends. They have facial
recognition software. It means I'm
banned from everywhere in
the country. They have continuous shuffling
machines. It takes
away my less than one percent advantage. You think
do that to you? Turn you into a cardsharp? I couldn't. And I
couldn't ever do it to your mom. School's out. You can tell her
whatever you like." <Vicky> "You really like
don't you?" <Charlie> "Yeah." <Vicky>
"Of course you like my ma. She's the best. And she deserves
more than she's got."
- <Celia> "Couple of
rolls . . ." <Charlie>
"Oh this is Portugese, yeah.
Ever had one of these famous
Portuguese onion bagels?"
<Celia> "No. This is
Portuguese, sweet bread. Have you ever
had it?" <Charlie>
"Well. Hold on, hold on." <Celia>
<Charlie> "Ha! I don't believe it.
This is it. That
delicious olive oil they had on your island."
(smiling)> "That's the only one made in Graciosa."
At the fish counter:
- <Celia> "This is my friend, Charles Beck. "
<Charlie (in Portuguese)> "Good morning. Your fish
is very .
. . sexy." (Antonio laughs) <Charlie> "How
doin'?" <Antonio> "You speak Portuguese."
adding in Portuguese ->) "Sort of." <Celia
Portuguese)> "Two lobsters, please."
At Celia's house:
More to come
. . . -
- <Celia> "This is it." <Charlie> "Wow.
When are the other 25 people arriving?" (Celia laughs)
"This is incredible. I have no idea what to start
what it tastes like." <Celia> "Well, this is
seafood paella. It has shrimps, clams, mussels and scallops.
love this. This is . . . " <Charlie> "Mmm,
fantastic." <Celia> "Thank you. This is
Breaded, not fried. This is a lobster casserole,
special recipe actually." <Charlie>
mother-in-law's a good cook." <Celia> "I
that." <Charlie> "Lovely." <Celia
bit flustered)> "Um, this is a shrimp and
Mozambique." (Charlie is making yummy noises)
"That's good?" (Charlie makes more yummy
noises and now there
are kissy noises as he works his way up
her arm) <Celia>
"And that is, uh, calamaris with
bacalhau, uh, croquettes."
good. Can I have mine later?"
Jason Isaacs Movie
To the Jason
Isaacs Gallery (Art
by Diane Taurins)
Thanks to Char
and Minx for the images,
which I manipulated in
Special thanks to
Winter for some of
the quotes from "The Tuxedo," "The
"Dangerous Lady," "Soldier,"
and "Event Horizon." Thanks to Lef for
some of the "Inspector
Morse" quotes. I did the rest of
Thanks to Cate and
Steph for sending
in a correction or addition.