Geez, this review is so
long, I can include another picture
. . .
and damn, I keep adding
more and more stuff, so here's another
one . . .
- Beautiful adaptation of J.M. Barrie's book
about a poor,
lonely ship's captain and the annoying flying brat
who makes life
miserable for him. Ok, ok, it's about not wanting
to get older
and take on adult responsibilties. It's really Wendy's
story. * I
can't say enough good things about this film. Beautiful,
charming, funny and moving. The dialogue was wonderful. A lot
it directly from the book. * It wasn't flawless, the CGI crocodile
sucked pond water (or would that be ocean water?), some of the
editing was very choppy, and the red filter made me want to scream,
but it's a very enjoyable time and well-worth the price of admission.
- Released - Dec. 25, 2003 (U.S.)
- Characters - Captain James Hook, or Jas, and Mr. George
- Accents - English (Received Pronunciation).
- Good guy or bad boy? - Both. Hook is snotty,
supercilious and pompous (I love him!). Did he chew up the scenery?
Oh yeah. And came back for scenery dessert. * Hook is pretty
angry (or sad) all the time as well. You just want to hold
head to your chest and cuddle him. And stroke those long
curls. Ok, maybe that's just me . . . * Mr. Darling
shy, stuttering wimp. Quite pathetic really. You feel very
for him. You feel sorry for both of them in their own way.
- Bastard rating - Hook - a 16. He has to rate
higher than Tavington. Tavington kills women and children, but
not fairies! Now *this* is madness! Mr. Darling
1. He's almost a total wuss, but we see him lose his
temper *once* and rip off poor Nana's hat. <Boooooo, Hissssss>
Great eye twitch though (George, not the dog).
- Blood &
Bullets - Sanitized for the kiddies. Hook
likes to kill off
his crew when he's the least bit irritated,
but it's not Sam
Peckinpah (or Event Horizon) or anything. One
bullet hole. There are lots of pointy things
in this film. Always
a plus. Lots of sword fights. Loads of pirates.
This movie should
be rated "ARRRRRRRRRRR."
- Costumes - Mr. Darling
- in proper suits, a cardigan,
and evening wear with top hat.
Adorable striped jammies with
a robe (with some of the same
fabric as Hook's costume, I believe).
Cute glasses. Hook -
his costumes are incredibly beautiful.
Jason's most amazing
costumes ever. Rich colors. Elaborate embroidery.
Fabrics to die
for. Not that he had to . . . * The black
ruffly shirt is
my second favorite costume - my favorite being
harness and tight pants. We get to see an assortment
attachments for his bondage contraption. But I'm betting he
very 'special' box of attachments under the bed as well.
Very sexy boots. Hooded cloak. Yeow.
Ring? - Yes! A huge one with red stone for Jas.
- Hair - Very short and proper for Mr.
Gloriously long, dark and curly for Hook.
behavin' (or misbehavin') indeed. Very sexy goatee.
really nice chest hair as well. Can't forget the chest
Never forget the chest hair.
cast - Jeremy Sumpter (the perfect Peter Pan),
Hurd-Wood (absolutely charming), Lynn Redgrave (Hmmm,
in my opinion - there's a reason she wasn't in the
Briers (hilarious and cute), Olivia Williams (beautiful),
Ludivine Sagnier (both annoying and cute), and all the Darling
boys and the Lost Boys were excellent.
- Squidge factor -
Hook - 20! He broke the frelling
scale (it's supposed to go
to 10)! I'd take Jas. over Tavington
and Lucius anytime. All
right, minds out of the gutter! You know
what I mean. But
now that I think of it . . . * Hook is seduction
in boots. The
sexiest character yet. You've got the best hair,
dude (at least
in the cleaned up version - there is a scruffy
version too). And
speaking of scruffy Hook . . . he's *SHIRTLESS*!
And hook-less as
well (at least for a few seconds). He's got
a sexy leather
harness, a great big sparkly gold earring, high
kick-ass tattoos, long luxurious locks, an awesome
metal implements of torture, and he's a snappy
dresser. Did we
cover your fetish, everyone? I thought so. What
more could a girl
ask for? Ok, possibly another hand . . . but
he makes very good
use of the hand he has. He even plays the
harpsichord! And sings!
Jason has a lovely voice. And he said
he sang like 'a cat with a
hernia' in "The Last Minute"
extras. If I actually knew
what a cat with a hernia sounded like,
I'm sure it wouldn't sound
like this. * And the coffee report?
Who gives a shit about
coffee? I was too busy looking at his
hair. And his chest. And
the hair leading down to his navel (and
beyond). And his arms.
Lookin' pretty buff there, Jase. * In
short - Hook makes my
ovaries twitch. George - An 8 -
which is still pretty
darned high. The glasses are really cute.
But he's so stuffy
(almost said stiff, but I knew where
that would go). You
just wanna ruffle up his hair and pull off
that starched collar
(and fling it across the room). Not that
I've thought about this
much or anything . . . * He may be a
lovely man, but anyone who
has to practice small talk is a bit
of a loser. I'm sorry,
George, but at least glasses-wearing Ron
Quincy had a laptop (and
was really, really smart) . . .
- Death - FUCKING
CROCODILE!!!! If I had written the
screenplay, Hook would
have lived happily ever after with his
Cabin Girl, wearing
crocodile boots and crocodile belt, sitting
crocodile-upholstered settee, wearing croc teeth on his
hat band and feasting on crocodile stew. You get the
D survives though. And gives pony rides apparently.
where do I sign up?
- Favorites Quotes - Hook -
ever want to be a pirate, my heartie?" *
insolent youth - prepare to meet thy doom."
all surpise attacks - it must be conducted
* "Come on. Fly to the rescue and then
I'll shoot you right
through your noble intentions." *
"Silence, puny spawn!"
* "Split my
infinitives." * "Alas, I have no happy
* "I'll show you the road to dusty death
. . ." *
"You'll die alone and unloved . . . just like
"My new obsession is you." <thud>
* "Oh evil
day." * "He fed my hand to a crocodile.
The Beast liked
it so much it's followed me ever since, licking
its lips for the
rest of me. YOU CALL THAT A FAVOR?!!" <Ok,
anything he says.> Mr. Darling - "Anyone
ponyride?!" <-- Diane raises her hand
- Video/DVD -
Oh yeah, buy one for home and one for
the workplace (for
- Media - Links to video clips,
trailers are here.
New and improved Peter Pan poster
at left by me. Captain
Hook (and Mr. Darling) artwork on the art
Darling morphing into Captain Hook movie I made