The Night Before Christmas
Aboard the Good Ship JIF!
Twas the Night before
Christmas, and all
over the Ship
The Wenches and Hookers were getting a grip
Their stockings were kicked off, and wild was their hair
Anticipation was rampant, it hung in the air.
The wenches were snuggled
in their suites
While visions of Hook kept them warm `twixt the
On the deck near the mainmast slept our exhausted
Who'd drunk more than her share of the new shipment of
shout from the
Crows Nest wafted down from sky
warning from the wench who kept watch from on high.
raced to the deck - An Estrogen Battalion
And spied off the
port bow a familiar sea Galleon
The rising sun on the
waters made the JIF
crew quite bold
And the Wenches look hungrily at yon ship
trimmed in gold
When in Cabin Girl's spyglass what figure
Why `twas Capitan Hook! - Internationally
with hand upon hip
Stood Hook, giving
orders and cracking his whip
And there, on the deck, they lined
up at attention
He called to the crewmen and threatened
Oi, Percy, Oi, DJ -
Get moving, you swabs!
Move, Alain, Move, Quincy - Filthy landlubbing slobs!
our colours, and unfurl the sails!
We'll soon be attacked by a
crew of females!
We loaded the cannons,
and made ready to board
of us could resist that handsome pirate horde?
We came about,
fired broadsides, and they laid down their arms
And the JIF
crew attacked with wild wanton charms
Up on the stern deck,
over his chest
Stood Jas Hook himself, more splendid than the
He was dressed in red velvet, from his head to his
And his long curls were as black as the smoke and the
long flogging whip
he had flung over his back,
looked quite amused by the estrogen pack.
His eyes - they were
narrowed as he took us all in
His red lips were turned up in
the evilest of grins
Welcome, good Wenches, and Hookers to
I see that you've noticed our riches and loot.
predict a long and pleasurable night,
But we don't give up
booty without a good fight.
He drew forth his cutlass,
and to his crew
gave a shout,
Then we fought them like Banshees and in the end
`twas a rout
But I heard him exclaim, and knew he wasn't
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD