The Night Before Christmas - Aboard the Good Ship JIF!

By Bookwench

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all over the Ship
The Wenches and Hookers were getting a grip
Their stockings were kicked off, and wild was their hair
Anticipation was rampant, it hung in the air.

The wenches were snuggled asleep in their suites
While visions of Hook kept them warm `twixt the sheets
On the deck near the mainmast slept our exhausted Listmum
Who'd drunk more than her share of the new shipment of rum

When a shout from the Crows Nest wafted down from sky
`Twas a warning from the wench who kept watch from on high.
The crew raced to the deck - An Estrogen Battalion
And spied off the port bow a familiar sea Galleon

The rising sun on the waters made the JIF crew quite bold
And the Wenches look hungrily at yon ship trimmed in gold
When in Cabin Girl's spyglass what figure appeared
Why `twas Capitan Hook! - Internationally feared.

Up on the forecastle, with hand upon hip
Stood Hook, giving orders and cracking his whip
And there, on the deck, they lined up at attention
He called to the crewmen and threatened detention

Oi, Percy, Oi, DJ - Get moving, you swabs!
Move, Alain, Move, Quincy - Filthy landlubbing slobs!
Run up our colours, and unfurl the sails!
We'll soon be attacked by a crew of females!

We loaded the cannons, and made ready to board
Who of us could resist that handsome pirate horde?
We came about, fired broadsides, and they laid down their arms
And the JIF crew attacked with wild wanton charms

Up on the stern deck, arms crossed over his chest
Stood Jas Hook himself, more splendid than the rest
He was dressed in red velvet, from his head to his foot,
And his long curls were as black as the smoke and the soot.

The long flogging whip he had flung over his back,
And he looked quite amused by the estrogen pack.
His eyes - they were narrowed as he took us all in
His red lips were turned up in the evilest of grins

Welcome, good Wenches, and Hookers to boot
I see that you've noticed our riches and loot.
I predict a long and pleasurable night,
But we don't give up booty without a good fight.

He drew forth his cutlass, and to his crew gave a shout,
Then we fought them like Banshees and in the end `twas a rout
But I heard him exclaim, and knew he wasn't bragging,